“Screw It, Just Canonize Them All,” The Vatican Says
VATICAN––The Vatican this morning is announcing that every pope that has ever lived, including ones still living, is to be canonized by the end of the year, sources are confirming. The news comes just a week after John XXIII and John Paul II were canonized, and a day after it was announced that Paul VI was to be beatified later this year. A Vatican insider told EOTT today that Pope Francis... Read More
Jason Evert Gives Chastity Talk To Roman Curia
Members of the Roman Curia and their parents were treated with a chastity talk at the Vatican auditorium this week by well-known chastity speaker Jason Evert. The talk focused on key points from his new book, Theology of the Body for the Roman Curia, covering questions such as “At what stage in the life of someone in the Curia should parents talk to their son about chastity?” and “Tips for... Read More
BREAKING: Priests Accused Of Selling Indulgences For Bit Coins
VATICAN––Sources are confirming this morning that 11 priests are being accused of selling indulgences for bitcoins. The news comes just days after Pope Francis removed Bishop Ronaldo Tetzel from his position at the Vatican Bank after he admitted to sanctioning the sale of indulgences for those who gave “bit-alms” to help pay for renovations at St. Peter’s Basilica. “We... Read More
Pope Francis Sneaks Out Of Vatican At Night In Disguise To Help Poor, Fight Crime
VATICAN–A recent interview with the Papal Alomner Archbishop Konrad Krajewski this week confirmed recent speculations that Pope Francis joins him on his nightly trips into Rome to give alms to the poor. An inside source at the Vatican told EOTT that “Swiss guards confirmed that the pope has ventured out at night dressed as Batman to meet with homeless men and women, and to fight... Read More
Pope Francis Names 2014 “Year Of Terror”
VATICAN––In his General Audience today, Pope Francis announced that he would be naming 2014 “the Year of Terror.” “Since it is difficult to balance the various challenges of the papacy, while finding time to decide what to call this upcoming year, I have decided that The Year of Terror best represents what we ought to be focusing on this upcoming year,” Francis... Read More