“I Told Him Left…Make A Freaking Left,” Pope Vents To Youth

Rio de Janeiro––Just a day after his driver made a wrong turn down a busy street in Rio de Janeiro, a visibly irritated Pope Francis vented to close to a million youth gathered for World Youth Day. “If I told him once, I told him twenty times, ‘drive…away…from…the…mob…of…people,'” the Pope said to those who had gathered with the anticipation... Read More

“In Short, Don’t Be Hypocritical Little SOB’s,” Francis Says In First Encyclical

Vatican City––Just days after Pope Francis issued his first encyclical, many theologians are calling his first document a profound meditation on the ancient Christian teaching of how not to be a hypocritical little SOB. The document, called Lumen Fidei, “draws upon centuries of tradition that teaches us that the road to joy and salvation can only be attained by faith and charity, as... Read More

Report: Recent Vatican Bank Scandal Just What Church Needs Right Now

The Vatican Bank. Vatican City–A new report out today shows that the most recent scandal involving the Vatican Bank is just what the Church freaking needs right now. The report also goes on to reveal that Catholics from the age of reason all the way to those on the brink of death all believe that nothing better could have happened to the Church established by Christ, just as it was trying... Read More

“Pope Literally Meant A Flamboyantly Decorated Lobby,” Vatican Clarifies

VATICAN–Being interviewed via Skype hours ago, Spokesman for the Vatican Press Office Monsignor Bernard Hopkins clarified recent remarks made to a Latin American Church group by Pope Francis admitting the existence of a “gay lobby” in the Vatican. “It is true what the Holy Father said about there being a gay lobby in the Vatican, but it is not as many have speculated,”... Read More

Millions To Miss Pope’s Global Hour Of Adoration Due To Super Busy Schedules

World, The–Citing “super busy” schedules, millions from around the globe are reporting that they unfortunately are not going to be able to make it to the first-ever Worldwide Eucharistic Adoration led by Pope Francis this Sunday. The news comes as a shock to many in the Vatican who were counting on the millions of Catholics from around the world to show up so that Pope Francis would not have... Read More

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