Liturgical Dancer Tests Positive For Performance-Enhancing Drugs
It is being reported this morning that world-renowned liturgical dancer Doris Griffin has tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs. A USCCB spokesman said that trace amounts of an illegal substance were found in Griffin’s blood early Monday morning. This comes just days after reports that Griffin’s trainer, Jake Stately, admitted that he had not only injected Griffin before... Read More
Catholic Democrat Makes Holy Hour Before The Real Presence Of Obama
November 5, 2012 by Admin
Filed under Politics, Uncategorized
Ardent Catholic Democrat Gordon Frey arrived at the Church of the Sacred Heart of Obama for his scheduled Holy Hour earlier monday morning. 56-year-old Frey appeared in good spirits as he entered the adoration chapel, going down on both knees and uttering the customary words, “My president and my god.” “I’ve been coming here since they began adoration in ’08,”... Read More
ICEL Calls For All-Meme Missal Translation For Youth Masses
Citing a need for the Church to “reach out to its estranged youth,” the International Commission on English in the Liturgy requested, and has already begun intensive work on, an all-meme edition of the Roman Missal. Representatives from the Commission, unhappy with the new translation of the Missal, shared their concern that the Church is not “speaking the language of the people.” “Young... Read More
New State-Of-The-Art Church Promises Comforts Of The Future
October 29, 2012 by Admin
Filed under Mass, Uncategorized
LONDON––A new state-of-the-art church in London opened today with Christmas/Easter size crowds eager for an opportunity to experience the next generation of churches. St. Joseph Cupertino Parish pastor Roger O’Malley gave Eye of the Tiber an exclusive tour of the mega Catholic Church. “As you can see everyone gets their own synthetic leather recliner, which includes storage... Read More
Folk Mass Band Upset Over Masses Interrupting Their Concerts
October 25, 2012 by Admin
Filed under Mass, Uncategorized
Yonkers, NY––Blake Jennings, lead guitarist at St. Therese Parish in Yonkers, New York is outraged over what he calls “years of concerts being interrupted by the Mass.” The 56-year-old accountant and father of three has played with his band at the 9:30 Folk Mass since 2009. “Our fans love us,” Jennings said, after Sunday Mass. “You can see it in their eyes…the... Read More