People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Folk Mass Band Upset Over Masses Interrupting Their Concerts

Yonkers, NY––Blake Jennings, lead guitarist at St. Therese Parish in Yonkers, New York is outraged over what he calls “years of concerts being interrupted by the Mass.” The 56-year-old accountant and father of three has played... Read More

No Laity Found To Bring Up Gifts To Altar; Consecration Delayed Two Hours

  Pastor of St. Dwenden Catholic Church Ben Gregory was forced to postpone the consecration for nearly two hours earlier this morning after lead usher Kevin Sarkosy was unsuccessful in locating anyone willing to bring up the bread... Read More

“We’re Taking All The Good Seats On Christmas, And You’re Gonna Stand There And Like It,” Nominal Catholics Report

YOUR PARISH––”We’re taking every pew and every freaking seat in the house tonight and tomorrow, and you’re just gonna have to stand there and like it,” bitter Christmas/Easter Catholics told the nation’s practicing... Read More

Colorado Priest To Appoint Entire Parish Eucharistic Ministers

Loveland, CO––Saint Perpetua Parish Priest Father Nick Farley announced Friday that he would be appointing every single parishioner at his church an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion. “In due respect to the amount of Extraordinary... Read More

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Libs & Trads

New Evidence Reveals The Mass Was Founded In 1965

Los Angeles, CA–A Loyola Marymount professor Wednesday found what he is considering undeniable evidence of his theory that the Mass was founded in 1965, as... Read More

President Carter Says Mathematicians Should Allow Square Pegs To Fit In Round Holes

WASHINGTON––In an interview with CNN’s Erin Burnett, former President Jimmy Carter talked about his letter to mathematicians. In it, Carter called on... Read More

New App Allows User To Locate Where Least Crappy Homily Going To Be Delivered In Area

The Vatican announced this morning that they have launched “CrapHom,” a new app for iPhone and Android that allows Catholics to view which local parishes will... Read More

Traditionalists Sanction Protestant Communities Over Vatican II Liturgical Hacks

In a drastic move to secure traditionalist Catholics from liturgical hackers, the Burke administration on Thursday slapped a number of Protestant communities and... Read More

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Politics

Cardinal Kaspar Opposes Resettlement Of Traditionalist Refugees In Home Diocese

Cardinal Walter Kaspar’s anger over resettlement of ultra-traditionalist... Read More

Francis Writes Emotional Letter To Nike Executives Thanking Them For Taking Spotlight Off Him

  Pope Francis has reportedly sent an emotional letter to executives... Read More

Nancy Pelosi Named Speaker Of The Church

Image: Gage Skidmore   Nancy Pelosi became the most powerful person... Read More

Prince Harry Nervous About Telling New Bride He’s Actually Sixth In Line To Having His Own Church

Image: ThomasToti   Nervously rubbing his hands on the eve of his... Read More

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Vatican

Pope Francis Leads Summit On How To Pretend The Church Is Doing Something About The Abuse Scandal

  Pope Francis has called the presidents from bishops conferences around the... Read More

Pope Francis To Investigate Roman Curia On TV Show “Undercover Boss”

ROME–Executives from CBS confirmed Wednesday that Chief Executive Officer... Read More

New DC Comics ‘Benedict V Francis: Dawn Of Mercy’ Film Getting Terrible Reviews

Image: Andrew Hermiz It’s been three years since Benedict’s colossal battle... Read More

Pope Francis Confirms Doctrine Of The Resurrection Will Last “Forever”

Paul Haring/Catholic News Service. The Church’s belief that Jesus rose from... Read More

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