People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada
After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More
Mass
No Laity Found To Bring Up Gifts To Altar; Consecration Delayed Two Hours
Pastor of St. Dwenden Catholic Church Ben Gregory was forced to postpone the consecration for nearly two hours earlier this morning after lead usher Kevin Sarkosy was unsuccessful in locating anyone willing to bring up the bread... Read More
Seating For Mass Turns Chaotic After Ushers Call In Sick
Moments after riot police stormed the church to restore order in the pews. Mass at St. Alphonsus Parish quickly turned chaotic earlier this morning after all eight ushers called in sick with the flu. 66-year-old Herman Wible, who one of the... Read More
Report: Priest Doing That Stupid Thing Where He Walks Up And Down Aisle During Homily
Image: ChipSomodevilla/Getty Images Europe Being asked about how their weekends were going, parishioners at St. Luke Parish announced Sunday that Fr. Todd Bunnell was, yet again, leaving the podium and making his way down to the aisle... Read More
Elderly Woman Mumbling Words Of Consecration From Pew
Parishioners at the Catholic parish of St. Adelaide let out a sigh of relief during Mass this morning after parishioner Veronica Hough validated the consecration by mumbling the words of institution along with the priest. Many parishioners... Read More
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Libs & Trads
Forward-Thinking Traditionalist To Allow Wife To Wear Pants
Traditionalist husband Arthur Nash issued his wife of eighteen years, Carla Nash, permission to wear pants “in a manner that is conducive to comfort,... Read More
2-Year-Old Boy Named Lefebvre Being Extremely Disobedient To Father
Chino, CA–Citing his son’s refusal to adhere to any of his warnings, Robert Kosheta, once proud father of local 2-year-old Lefebvre Kosheta, reported... Read More
Christendom College Student Won’t Shut Up With The Latin Already
“Colligium Christendum in Virginium est. Christendum bonum scholasticum est.”-Ben Tate Friends of Christendom College freshman Ben Tate reported this... Read More
National Catholic Reporter Beats Out Eye Of The Tiber For Best Catholic News Parody
Los Angeles, CA––Winners of the 10th annual National Catholic Awards were announced last night at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood. The star-studded event, which... Read More
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Politics
As Israel And Palestine Brace For War, Vatican Set To March On Jerusalem
TEL AVIV––After days of Israeli bombings in and around Gaza, Hamas... Read More
New California Law Forces Parishes To Switch To E-Thuribles
A new ban on thurible smoke will take effect in all California... Read More
Benedictines Suspend Monk For Bullying Novice
Miami, FL–Benedictines from around the country are calling on the... Read More
Fear Of Elderly Vatican Priests, Nuns Violently Storming U.S. Embassy Reason For Relocation, U.S. State Department Confirms
A security guard outside the U.S. Embassy to the Vatican checks for dangerous... Read More
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Vatican
Pope Francis Accidentally Misplaces Keys To The Kingdom Of Heaven
Image: Andrew Hermiz Saying that he could’ve sworn he put them right there... Read More
Francis Practicing Emeritus Signature
Mere days after former Vatican ambassador to the US, Archbishop Carlo Maria... Read More
Marie Kondo Helps Tidy Up Vatican; Gets Rid Of All But Five Bishops
Telling reporters that he brought in famed organizing consultant Marie Kondo... Read More
Pope Francis Seen Walking Around The Vatican Carrying Bloody, Barbed Wire Baseball Bat
Rumors out of Rome began swirling yesterday after Pope Francis was seen walking... Read More