People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Quick-Thinking Parishioners Rush Altar To Assist Lone Priest

Culver City, CA––Parishioners of St. Raymond Catholic Church in Culver City, California were forced to jump into action during Mass early Monday morning when it appeared that only one priest would be available for the consecration. According... Read More

Man Drops $10 In Donation Basket Like He’s Some Kind Of Beverly Hills Millionaire

Atherton, CA––In what many witnesses are calling “a stunning act of generosity,” a mysterious parishioner was spotted placing a $10 bill into the donation basket at the St. Mark’s Catholic Church 9:00 am Mass as though... Read More

ICEL Calls For All-Meme Missal Translation For Youth Masses

Citing a need for the Church to “reach out to its estranged youth,” the International Commission on English in the Liturgy requested, and has already begun intensive work on, an all-meme edition of the Roman Missal. Representatives from... Read More

Android Priests Being Developed To Help Say Mass, Hear Confessions

Prototype clergydroid Fr. SRT4-11392 celebrating its first wedding ceremony. Vatican––The Vatican has confirmed reports today that an agreement has been reached with the International Federation of Robotics (IFR) to begin development of... Read More

View All Articles in this Category...

Libs & Trads

Forward-Thinking Traditionalist To Allow Wife To Wear Pants

  Traditionalist husband Arthur Nash issued his wife of eighteen years, Carla Nash, permission to wear pants “in a manner that is conducive to comfort,... Read More

Breaking Bad Finale: Walter White’s Issues Revealed As Consequence Of Poor Childhood Catechesis

Albuquerque, NM–After five seasons, the critically acclaimed AMC drama Breaking Bad came to end last night with a stunning twist revealing that the string... Read More

Area Jesuit Excited About New “Clerics” From Tommy Bahama

Seattle, WA––The Seattle-based manufacturer of casual men’s sportswear Tommy Bahama is set to release its highly-anticipated new line of clothing for... Read More

National Catholic Reporter Beats Out Eye Of The Tiber For Best Catholic News Parody

Los Angeles, CA––Winners of the 10th annual National Catholic Awards were announced last night at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood. The star-studded event, which... Read More

View All Articles in this Category...

Politics

Landmark Win For Individuals Who Experience And Act Upon An Exclusive Or Predominant Attraction Toward Persons Of The Same Sex

Washington, DC––In a landmark win for thousands of people across America... Read More

Italian Doctor Prescribes Israel, Palestine High Dose Of Chill Pill

ROME––At the request of Pope Benedict XVI, Rome’s foremost family counselor Dr. Umberto... Read More

New Archbishop of Canterbury Makes Compelling Case For Gay Marriage

ENGLAND–The Most Reverend Justin Welby was formally enthroned earlier... Read More

Imperial Jury Indicts Luke Skywalker; Galactic Empire Cleared

Credit: Wikicommons An imperial grand jury investigating criminal allegations... Read More

View All Articles in this Category...

Vatican

Pope Francis Apologizes For Prank Video Message To Evangelicals

Pope Francis is apologizing this morning after it was revealed that a video of the... Read More

Pope Francis Accidentally Misplaces Keys To The Kingdom Of Heaven

Image: Andrew Hermiz   Saying that he could’ve sworn he put them right there... Read More

Missing Burke Found Alive After Getting Lost Inside Cappa Magna For Five Days

A desperate search for Cardinal Raymond Burke who went missing for two days in the... Read More

Curia Surprises Francis with One-Way Ticket to Buenos Aires

Roman Curia officials pulled out all the stops this year to celebrate the 4th anniversary... Read More

View All Articles in this Category...