People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Developing: Sick Man Attempting To Shake Your Hand During Sign Of Peace

Fort Worth, TX––It is being reported this second that the sick man who has been violently coughing into his hands all Mass has been feverishly trying to get your attention to shake hands during the Sign of Peace. “I already threw... Read More

New Eco-Friendly Church Using Biodegradable Chalice

LONDON––Speaking to an assembly of Catholic priests in London yesterday, Pastor of St. Philip Neri Catholic Church in nearby Chigwell, England Fr. Timothy Rooney announced yesterday that he would be transforming his church into a more... Read More

ICEL Calls For All-Meme Missal Translation For Youth Masses

Citing a need for the Church to “reach out to its estranged youth,” the International Commission on English in the Liturgy requested, and has already begun intensive work on, an all-meme edition of the Roman Missal. Representatives from... Read More

Man Dressed As Tabernacle At Halloween Party Ignored; Is Moved To Corner Of Room

According to reports from several eyewitnesses moments ago, 27-year-old Emmanuel Dickens, who showed up to a Halloween party dressed as his favorite tabernacle, was promptly ignored and escorted to the corner of the room. The party’s... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Ford Debuts New RAD-TRAD X9 Van

  Just in time for back-to-homeschool, Ford’s roll-out of the new RAD-TRAD X9 is a nod toward its largest conversion van market segment: radical traditional... Read More

Local Rad Trad Gives Wife Permission To Receive Communion

  Admitting that his wife had done a “fairly good job” being subservient to him this week, local SSPV man Randall Thomas acknowledged Wednesday that he... Read More

New App Allows User To Locate Where Least Crappy Homily Going To Be Delivered In Area

The Vatican announced this morning that they have launched “CrapHom,” a new app for iPhone and Android that allows Catholics to view which local parishes will... Read More

Notre Dame Linebacker Duped Into Playing For Fake Catholic University

South Bend, IN––According to sources within the University of Notre Dame last week, star linebacker Manti Te’o was “duped” into attending... Read More

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Politics

CNN Forced To Neglect Coverage Of March For Life Due To Breaking Footage Of Dolphin Stranded In NYC Canal

  Atlanta, GA––CNN PR director Richard Seymour apologized to... Read More

Fetus Only A Blob Of Tissue, Says 47-Year-Old Blob Of Tissue

While reiterating  that a fetus is nothing more than a blob of tissue,... Read More

Recreational Heresy Now Officially Legal in California Parishes

  Roman Catholic dioceses in California began allowing recreational... Read More

King Richard III Confirmed Dead

Leicester, England–Scientists say they have found the missing remains... Read More

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Vatican

Francis To Visit Kansas To Commemorate 26th Anniversary Of Pope Michael Election To Papacy

The Vatican has announced that Pope Francis will visit Kansas in July to commemorate... Read More

Brawl Erupts At Synod

Image: Wolfgang Stuck A massive brawl broke out Thursday morning at the Synod during... Read More

Pope Retracts Punch In The Face Remark; Says He Would Kick Them In Nuts

En route to the Philippines from Sri Lanka yesterday, Pope Francis said that he... Read More

Vatican Offering Cyber Monday 50% Off Sale On All Indulgences

Even though far more Catholics shopped online than in churches on Black Friday... Read More

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