People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Fr. Zuhlsdorf Installs Electric Altar Rails; 2 Women Injured

It is being reported that the two unidentified Catholics who rushed the altar this morning to assist Fr. John Zuhlsdorf during the Mass were injured after they were shocked by electric altar rails installed by the priest. The well-known Catholic... Read More

Report: Priest Doing That Stupid Thing Where He Walks Up And Down Aisle During Homily

Image: ChipSomodevilla/Getty Images Europe   Being asked about how their weekends were going, parishioners at St. Luke Parish announced Sunday that Fr. Todd Bunnell was, yet again, leaving the podium and making his way down to the aisle... Read More

New State-Of-The-Art Church Promises Comforts Of The Future

LONDON––A new state-of-the-art church in London opened today with Christmas/Easter size crowds eager for an opportunity to experience the next generation of churches. St. Joseph Cupertino Parish pastor Roger O’Malley gave Eye of... Read More

Family Fighting For Good Seats At Christmas Mass With The Zeal Of 12th Century Crusaders

Reporting that he and his family had been forced from their aisle seat just minutes after acquiring it, 48-year-old Brenden O’Malley told EOTT moments ago that he would “not rest till his aisle seat was once again reclaimed.” “Beset,... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Report: LA Religious Education Congress Nothing But Big Fat Load Of Bull

Despite positive reviews from the committee overseeing this year’s Los Angeles Religious Education Congress, a new report out today by EOTT found that virtually... Read More

Pope Francis Calls Ten Commandments Too Rigid

  [News Brief] Pope Francis on Monday warned against the excessive rigidity of the Ten Commandments and said “God gives us the freedom to search our own... Read More

Area Jesuit Excited About New “Clerics” From Tommy Bahama

Seattle, WA––The Seattle-based manufacturer of casual men’s sportswear Tommy Bahama is set to release its highly-anticipated new line of clothing for... Read More

2-Year-Old Boy Named Lefebvre Being Extremely Disobedient To Father

Chino, CA–Citing his son’s refusal to adhere to any of his warnings, Robert Kosheta, once proud father of local 2-year-old Lefebvre Kosheta, reported... Read More

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Politics

Cardinals Distancing Themselves From Pope Ahead Of Next Papal Election

Ahead of the next Papal Elections, many Cardinals have begun to distance... Read More

Cardinal Dolan Bans Chaldean Rite Catholics From Entering Diocese For 90 Days

Cardinal Timothy Dolan’s move to ban thousands of Chaldean Rite... Read More

Francis’ General Audience Address Bears Striking Resemblance To Melania Trump Speech

Image: Mark Nozell (Flikr) A number of paragraphs from Pope Francis’... Read More

Parents Who Allowed 5-Year-Old Daughter To Declare Herself A Boy Demand He Eats His Carrots

  Santa Barbara, CA––Proud parents from Santa Barbara have shared... Read More

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Vatican

“Well, That Was A Complete Bust,” Francis Tells Crowd Moments Before Cancelling Remainder Of Year Of Mercy

Image: Wikicommons During his general audience this week in Saint Peter’s Square,... Read More

Report: Recent Vatican Bank Scandal Just What Church Needs Right Now

The Vatican Bank. Vatican City–A new report out today shows that the most recent... Read More

Many Disappointed First-Ever Black, Jewish, Woman, Lesbian Pope Not Elected

  A Catholic Argentinian Man VATICAN–Sadness and a general sense of ennui... Read More

Pope Shares Birthday Breakfast With Boy Band One Direction

VATICAN–Five members of the English-Irish pop boy band One Direction helped... Read More

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