People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

“Our Father” Ringtone Conveniently Goes Off During “Our Father,” Keeping Everyone In Key

Topeka, KS–According to sources at Our Lady Star of the Sea Parish in Topeka, Kansas, a phone belonging to an unidentified person went off early Sunday morning during the Our Father, despite the pastor’s repeated requests that... Read More

Outrage After Man Butchers Beloved Liturgy In Zimbabwe

A priest arrested in the butchering of a beloved Mass in Zimbabwe was released Wednesday by an ecclesiastical court on $1,000 bail. Fr. Theo Braxton, a professional Mass butcher since the 1960’s, said through his attorney that he was innocent... Read More

Pope Francis To Defrock 300 Priests For Failing To Say ‘Good Morning’ At The Beginning Of Mass

VATICAN––Shortly after it was revealed that his predecessor, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, defrocked 400 priests for sexual abuse of minors, Pope Francis decreed the immediate removal of priestly faculties for 300 priests from Europe and... Read More

Maestro Who Conducts Symphony With Back Facing Audience Labelled Radical Traditionalist

After conducting his first symphony since being named Maestro of the New Mexico Philharmonic, Chinese-born Li Wei Chen has been under heavy scrutiny from longtime patrons for conducting Beethoven’s famous 9th Symphony while facing... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Mystery Priest At Car Accident Revealed, Heralded As Courageous Man Who Wore Clerics In Public

The “Missouri Miracle” mystery priest who ministered to Katie Lentz following a head-on crash with another vehicle came forward yesterday morning and... Read More

Jesuit Celebrates Halloween By Dressing Up In “Priest Costume”

Hoping to surprise his family and friends at Holy Trinity Parish’s annual Halloween Breakfast this morning, local Jesuit Fr. Walter Allen arrived dressed... Read More

Woman Who Believes Church Has No Respect For Women Can’t Wait To See Fifty Shades Of Grey

South Jordan, UT––Citing the Catholic Church’s centuries old “tradition” of misogyny and overall hatred toward women, local Catholic Debra Wilhelm told... Read More

New App Allows User To Locate Where Least Crappy Homily Going To Be Delivered In Area

The Vatican announced this morning that they have launched “CrapHom,” a new app for iPhone and Android that allows Catholics to view which local parishes will... Read More

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Politics

Biden and Ryan End Debate With Recitation Of Rosary

Kevin Lamarque / Reuters Danville, KY––After a heated and combative... Read More

BREAKING: Vatican To Posthumously Grant Henry VIII Annulment; Queen To Dissolve Church Of England  

Sources in the Vatican are now confirming that Pope Francis has agreed... Read More

Pope Francis Declares Homosexuality Obligatory For All Catholics, New York Times Reports

New York, NY––During an interview given while walking from his airplane... Read More

New ‘Laudato Si’ Encyclical Proof Francis Hates People

In his highly anticipated encyclical on the environment, Pope Francis... Read More

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Vatican

Wind Gust Nearly Blows Off Benedict’s Zucchetto, Leading Media To Speculate About More Stuff

VATICAN CITY–Media outlets around the world are buzzing with speculation this... Read More

Imam Agrees That Catholics Shouldn’t Breed Like Rabbits

Just a day after Pope Francis told Catholics that they should not feel like they... Read More

“Well, That Was A Complete Bust,” Francis Tells Crowd Moments Before Cancelling Remainder Of Year Of Mercy

Image: Wikicommons During his general audience this week in Saint Peter’s Square,... Read More

Pope Francis Thinks Facing Mecca During Mass A Great Idea

Image: JennyR18 Responding to Cardinal Robert Sarah’s suggestion that priests celebrate... Read More

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