People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada
After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More
Mass
Man Goes To Mass To Seek Out Intimate Encounter With Neighbor
Explaining how forcefully and extensively the centrality of an intimate encounter with the person of our neighbor is to the spiritual life, local Catholic Jonathan Duggan invited friends to Mass this morning so that they too could experience the... Read More
Report: Priest Doing That Stupid Thing Where He Walks Up And Down Aisle During Homily
Image: ChipSomodevilla/Getty Images Europe Being asked about how their weekends were going, parishioners at St. Luke Parish announced Sunday that Fr. Todd Bunnell was, yet again, leaving the podium and making his way down to the aisle... Read More
“We’re Taking All The Good Seats On Christmas, And You’re Gonna Stand There And Like It,” Nominal Catholics Report
YOUR PARISH––”We’re taking every pew and every freaking seat in the house tonight and tomorrow, and you’re just gonna have to stand there and like it,” bitter Christmas/Easter Catholics told the nation’s practicing... Read More
Man Drops $10 In Donation Basket Like He’s Some Kind Of Beverly Hills Millionaire
Atherton, CA––In what many witnesses are calling “a stunning act of generosity,” a mysterious parishioner was spotted placing a $10 bill into the donation basket at the St. Mark’s Catholic Church 9:00 am Mass as though... Read More
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Libs & Trads
Pelosi Excommunicates Cordileone
Washington, DC––In an astonishing move today, Minority Leader of the House of Representatives and Mouthpiece of God in the United States Nancy Pelosi has excommunicated... Read More
Pope Encourages Women To Reveal Breasts In Sistine Chapel, Feminist Newspaper Reports
VATICAN––“He is 77, celibate, and the Vicar of Christ; a role which, up until his papacy, was known for its prudishness,” Evi Quinn, journalist for the... Read More
Joel Osteen Vigorously Attempting To Shove Camel Through Eye Of Needle
Image: RobertMWorsham [News Brief] Just days after refusing to offer shelter at his megachurch to victims of Hurricane Harvey, popular pastor Joel... Read More
New Cirque Du Soleil Show Just A Novus Ordo Mass
Staring in awe as she stared out onto the stage, Las Vegas visitor Allison Garrity was moved to tears Saturday evening after seeing whimsical, beautiful, yet... Read More
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Politics
Imperial Jury Indicts Luke Skywalker; Galactic Empire Cleared
Credit: Wikicommons An imperial grand jury investigating criminal allegations... Read More
Last Remaining Christian Living In Jerusalem Excited About Papal Visit
JERUSALEM–Just a day before Pope Francis makes his first Papal Visit... Read More
Vatican Shuts Down After Liberals, Rad Trads Can’t Come To An Agreement
Ricardo André Frantz Hundreds of thousands of priests from around... Read More
Leaked Documents Reveal NSA Spied On Prayers Of Faithful
According to a new report out this week in the Italian magazine Panorama,... Read More
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Vatican
[Mayan Apocalypse Update] Head Of CDF Tells Liberal Catholics To Hide Until Notified To Come Out
VATICAN––In anticipation of today’s apocalypse, the head of the Congregation of... Read More
Pope To Move Crystal Cathedral To Rome?
(Photo: Crystal Cathedral, 21 June 2005/Nepenthes) Vatican City––According... Read More
Use Of Cell Phones At Mass A “Very Ugly Thing,” Pope Tweets During Mass
Pope Francis took to Twitter on Wednesday afternoon to chastise some in the... Read More
[BREAKING] Benedict To Remain Pope, Area Catholic Dreaming
Albany, NY––Just days after he shocked the world by announcing his decision... Read More