People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Homily Never Going To End, Sources Confirm

Galveston, TX–Multiple sources at Prince of Peace Catholic Church in Galveston, Texas have just confirmed that parish pastor Fr. Robert Warner is “never going to wrap up his freaking homily.” 29-year-old mother of three Katrin... Read More

“Extraordinary Mass Should Not Be The Norm,” Extraordinary Minister Of Holy Communion Reporting

Pigeon Forge, Tennessee––Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion Ernest Robbins is reporting to friends and family that the Extraordinary Form of the Liturgy “should never become the norm,” but that it should “remain... Read More

“Why Ain’t Nobody Singin’ Back the Responsory?” Lector Wondering. “My Arms Is Raised Up High Like They Supposed To Be”

Knoxville, TN––Lector at St. Hildegund Catholic Church in Nashville, Tennessee Helen Banks is currently questioning why parishioners are neglecting to sing the Responsory after clearly being given the cue to respond. “Why ain’t... Read More

SSPX Chess Player Creates Bishop Pieces Without World Chess Federation Approval

Image: Benjamin Fishman Society of St. Pius X chess grandmaster Larcel Mafebvre has turned four of his pieces into bishops without approval from the World Chess Federation, officials have confirmed. “Mr. Mafebvre has, without approval... Read More

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Libs & Trads

New Poll Shows 50% Of Catholics Disagree With Jesus’ Stance On Gay Marriage

Novi, MI––A new poll out today shows that about half of Catholics in America still disagree with the Second Person of the Trinity’s stance on gay marriage.... Read More

Breaking Bad Finale: Walter White’s Issues Revealed As Consequence Of Poor Childhood Catechesis

Albuquerque, NM–After five seasons, the critically acclaimed AMC drama Breaking Bad came to end last night with a stunning twist revealing that the string... Read More

Updated SSPX Catechesis Program To Now Include Fundamentals Of Catholic Trolling

Image: WikiCommons SSPX leadership is preparing to launch a new Catechism program in an effort to help better explain Church teaching and how to best completely... Read More

Man Fondly Remembers Time When A Man Could Read Bible In Public Without Fear Of Being Ridiculed, Beheaded

New Philadelphia––Thinking back to a time long ago, 80-year-old New Philadelphian Gary Walker told his grandchildren that he remembered a time when a man... Read More

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Politics

Blogger Who Wrote Scathing Post On ‘Laudato Si’ Considering Reading Encyclical For Himself

Catholic blogger Dermot McHenry, who wrote a scornful attack on Laudato... Read More

 Iraqi Christian Who Risks Life To Attend Mass Not Super Concerned About Bad Church Music Right Now

    Tel Keppe, Iraq–As Iraqi Christian Raghda Ablahad... Read More

Chicago Diocese Votes To Leave USCCB; Cupich Steps Down

Image: Goat_Girl Blase Cupich has resigned as Bishop of the Archdiocese... Read More

Kanye West Meets With Pope Francis To Discuss Liturgy

Kanye West performing at Lollapalooza on April 3, 2011 in Chile.Photo credit:... Read More

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Vatican

Pontifical Swiss Guard To Remove “Pontifical” From Name

Image:gnuckx   In an effort to become more inclusive, The Pontifical Swiss Guard... Read More

Francis Hit With Tranquilizer Dart By Swiss Guard Seconds After Putting Down Scripted Statement To Speak Off-Cuff

Photo: AndrewHermez   Pope Francis was hit with a tranquilizer dart this afternoon just... Read More

Francis After First Day At Sex Abuse Summit: “We Figured It All Out. Thanks For Your Concern, But You Can Leave Us Alone Now”

Hours after the first day of the Vatican Sex Abuse Summit concluded yesterday,... Read More

Marie Kondo Helps Tidy Up Vatican; Gets Rid Of All But Five Bishops

Telling reporters that he brought in famed organizing consultant Marie Kondo... Read More

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