People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Female Parishioners Upset That Men Not Also Being Asked To “Set The Altar” Before Mass

Baker, OR–Female Parishioners at St. John Bosco Parish in Baker, Oregon have sent a letter to Bishop Liam Cary accusing their pastor Fr. Maurice Alvarez as well as Deacon Bob Ley of sexism and chauvinism. The one-page complaint letter... Read More

Eucharistic Minister Sanitizing Hell Out Of Hands Before Distributing Communion

Local Eucharistic Minister Courtney Smith has been sanitizing the living hell out her hands for the past two minutes in preparation to distribute Holy Communion, parishioners are reporting. According to parishioners at the 9:30 morning Mass... Read More

“We’re Taking All The Good Seats On Christmas, And You’re Gonna Stand There And Like It,” Nominal Catholics Report

YOUR PARISH––”We’re taking every pew and every freaking seat in the house tonight and tomorrow, and you’re just gonna have to stand there and like it,” bitter Christmas/Easter Catholics told the nation’s practicing... Read More

After 26 Weeks Of Anticipation, 27th Sunday In Ordinary Time Just Around Corner

Thousands flock to St. Peter’s to reserve spots for Mass during the 27th Sunday in Ordinary Time. The Christian West––After 26 weeks of eager anticipation, it was reported today that hundreds of millions of Catholics from across the... Read More

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Libs & Trads

SSPV Apologize After Drone Targeting Novus Ordo Mass Accidentally Dropped On Taliban

Hoboken, NJ––An SSPV drone strike has accidentally killed three and injured four other Taliban members living in the U.S. Saturday, a spokesman for the Society... Read More

Nation’s Catholics Demand Better Catechesis To Better Understand What Teachings To Ignore

Washington, DC––Thousands of the nation’s ill-catechized Catholics protested outside the USCCB headquarters in Washington, DC last night, demanding better... Read More

As 2000th Anniversary of Pentecost Approaches, God Still Refuses to Clarify Ambiguous Passages of Scripture

Advocates of family values and traditional marriage spoke out today, demanding again that Jesus Christ clarify his words, “If any one comes to me and does... Read More

Pope Michael Doesn’t Know What All The Commotion Is About

Belvue, KS–Sources close to Pope Michael are strongly denying reports out Monday morning claiming that the pontiff will be retiring at the end of February.... Read More

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Politics

World Must Choose Between Excommunicating And Canonizing Covington Teens, With No Other Options

      Students from Covington Catholic high school located... Read More

Duck Dynasty Star Removed From Congregation For Bishops Just Days After Burke

VATICAN–Just days after Pope Francis removed former La Crosse bishop... Read More

Pewsitter Employee Considering Adding A Few Additional Exclamation Points To Headline

After close to an hour of staring at the headline he had just written... Read More

Area Catholic Offended by the Phrase “Merry Christmas”

New York, NY––Local Catholic and Liturgical stickler Gerry Brownstone... Read More

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Vatican

Vatican Insiders Reveal Benedict Resigned Because Roman Curia “Too Fabulous”

Sources close to Pope Benedict revealed today that the ultimate reason for his resignation... Read More

Days After Abolishing “Monsignor” Honor For Priests, Pope Abolishes “Priest” Honor For Seminarians

VATICAN––Days after abolishing the title of “monsignor,” Pope Francis... Read More

Ringling Bros. Circus And Its Subsidiary The Vatican To Shut Down In May

Image:AlejandroLinaresGarcia   After  more than 140 years, the curtain is... Read More

Benedict Breaks Silence With Letter To Atheist; Atheist Denies Existence Of Letter

VATICAN–Breaking his silence for the first time since receiving a letter from... Read More

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