People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Tostitos Fiesta Pentecost Mass One Of Many New Church Sponsorships

Alameda, CA–Following a string of church closures around the country, St. Stephen Parish in Alameda, California has announced plans to have their upcoming Pentecost Mass sponsored by Tostitos. The move comes just months after Los Angeles... Read More

Catholic Cyborgs Being Developed To Help Fill Churches

The Congregation for the Development of Mechanical Persons (CDMP) announced today that they have successfully developed their first batch of cyborg parishioners to help fill pews. The exciting news comes as the Church struggles with a world-wide... Read More

Questions Arise After Mother Neglects To Remove Hysterical Child From Mass

Eugene, OR––In the immediate aftermath of the Mass in which parishioner Heather Thomas neglected to remove her crying child to the cry-room during the homily, family of the 26-year-old mother were quick to blame the non-removal of the... Read More

Priest Magician Performs Folk Mass Illusion; Makes Parishioners Disappear

Las Vegas, NV––Citing a large demand for his Folk Mass illusion, part-time magician Fr. George Richmond of Las Vegas, Nevada told reporters Sunday that he would begin to perform the trick every Sunday at 9:00 am. “I remember last... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Catholics Attending Sedevacantist World Youth Day Still Waiting For Pope To Arrive

Image: Socrates2008 Many Catholics attending the Sedevacantist World Youth Day are reportedly still anxiously waiting the Pope’s arrival, sources are reporting. According... Read More

Protestants Worldwide Venerate Statue Of Martin Luther In Honor Of Reformation Day

Image_Jorge Royan   Protestants from across the globe flocked to Wittenberg, Germany Tuesday to venerate a statue of Martin Luther in honor of the 500th anniversary... Read More

Catholics For Choice Asks Vatican To Allow Abortions In Cases of Rape, Incest, Impending Prom

The pro-choice organization Catholics for Choice today sent a request to the Vatican asking them to ease restrictions on abortion in cases of rape, incest, and impending... Read More

Rad Trad Woman Just Wants A Good Man Who’s Willing To Wait Till Marriage Before Flagellating

Local SSPV woman Deanna Russell confessed to friends late last night that all she wanted in life was a good and holy man who was willing to wait till marriage before... Read More

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Politics

Seminary Recruiting Scandal Rocks Diocese

Image_Chris Watson   The USCCB’s crackdown on seminary recruiting... Read More

Pope Francis Aides Conspired to Snarl Communion Line Traffic in Basilica of Cardinal Who Did Not Cast Vote for Him

VATICAN––It was revealed today that senior assistants to Pope Francis... Read More

Planned Parenthood Set To Unveil New Line At Fashion Week

PARIS––The city of Paris has come to a standstill with the anticipation... Read More

Planned Oklahoma City Black Mass Stirring Controversy With Schismatic Satanist Group

Oklahoma City, OK–The black mass scheduled for September 21 in Oklahoma... Read More

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Vatican

Vatican Insiders Reveal Benedict Resigned Because Roman Curia “Too Fabulous”

Sources close to Pope Benedict revealed today that the ultimate reason for his resignation... Read More

Millions To Miss Pope’s Global Hour Of Adoration Due To Super Busy Schedules

World, The–Citing “super busy” schedules, millions from around... Read More

Four Cardinals Ask Francis To Clarify IKEA Instructions

Image: Sean Hobson Telling the press today that instructions of Pope Francis’... Read More

Francis After First Day At Sex Abuse Summit: “We Figured It All Out. Thanks For Your Concern, But You Can Leave Us Alone Now”

Hours after the first day of the Vatican Sex Abuse Summit concluded yesterday,... Read More

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