People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Church Packed As Fr. Bieber Says First Mass At Our Lady Of Perpetual Crunches

Image: AdamSundana Fr. Justin Bieber cleansed his soul and the souls of thousands of concertgoers turned parishioners over the weekend after turning his concert into a vigil Mass. The 20-year-old singer and newly ordained Jesuit, who is currently... Read More

Liturgical Dancer Tests Positive For Performance-Enhancing Drugs

It is being reported this morning that world-renowned liturgical dancer Doris Griffin has tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs. A USCCB spokesman said that trace amounts of an illegal substance were found in Griffin’s blood... Read More

Homily Never Going To End, Sources Confirm

Galveston, TX–Multiple sources at Prince of Peace Catholic Church in Galveston, Texas have just confirmed that parish pastor Fr. Robert Warner is “never going to wrap up his freaking homily.” 29-year-old mother of three Katrin... Read More

Thousands Camp Outside Churches In Anticipation Of Black Friday Masses

Hundreds of church-goers stamped into Saint Theresa Parish on Black Friday, 2011, just moments before four are tragically trampled to death. As anticipated, thousands of church-goers have already camped out in front of churches all across the... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Man Expelled from Charismatic Prayer Group After Speaking Real Language

A man was kicked out of St. Robert Catholic Church’s Wednesday evening Charismatic Prayer group after he began to speak a real foreign language during a “prayer... Read More

The Dark Lord Sauron To Head Upcoming LCWR Annual Assembly

MORDOR––Sister Florence Deacon announced today that the upcoming annual assembly for the Leadership Conference of Women Religious would be taking place at... Read More

Liberal Catholic University To Replace Church With Massive Cafeteria

Miami, FL––To help accommodate the diverse palates of Mater Dei University’s large Catholic student-body, President Jon Heinz has announced plans to... Read More

Solemn High Requiem Mass Held For The Spirit Of Vatican II

    A Solemn High Requiem Mass was held Thursday at St. Martura Church in downtown Cincinnati for the Spirit of Vatican II, aged 52. After suffering a... Read More

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Politics

Berkeley Sophomore Anxiously Considering Coming Out Of Closet To Reveal He’s Opposed To Gay Marriage

Berkley, CA–University of California, Berkeley student Emanuel... Read More

Santa Reassigns “Rigid” Elf On The Shelf To Malta

Image: An Errant Knight Santa Claus has reassigned a conservative “scout... Read More

Pope’s Peace Doves Attacked By Metaphors

VATICAN–In a gesture at the Vatican’s annual “Caravan... Read More

Trump Announces He Has Possession Of Fourth Secret Of Fatima; Claims The Other Secrets Were Fake News

Fátima_José Luiz Bernardes Ribeiro   White House Press Secretary... Read More

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Vatican

Pontifical Swiss Guard To Remove “Pontifical” From Name

Image:gnuckx   In an effort to become more inclusive, The Pontifical Swiss Guard... Read More

Four Cardinals Ask Francis To Clarify IKEA Instructions

Image: Sean Hobson Telling the press today that instructions of Pope Francis’... Read More

Imam Agrees That Catholics Shouldn’t Breed Like Rabbits

Just a day after Pope Francis told Catholics that they should not feel like they... Read More

Report: Recent Vatican Bank Scandal Just What Church Needs Right Now

The Vatican Bank. Vatican City–A new report out today shows that the most recent... Read More

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