People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada
After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More
Mass
Area Catholic Confirms Too Many Obligations To Make It To Mass On Holy Day Of Obligation
Rancho San Diego, CA––29-year-old Catholic Tony Rigali confirmed to his family earlier today that due to all the “things on his plate,” he would be, unfortunately, having to skip Holy Day of Obligation Mass today in honor of... Read More
Study Finds That Tripping Over Vestments And Falling On Face During Mass Sucks A Lot
According to a new study by the USCCB, tripping over your vestments while walking to the altar before falling face first in front of everyone you just passive-aggressively burned during the homily for not donating enough sucks big time. “Of... Read More
Quick-Thinking Parishioners Rush Altar To Assist Lone Priest
Culver City, CA––Parishioners of St. Raymond Catholic Church in Culver City, California were forced to jump into action during Mass early Monday morning when it appeared that only one priest would be available for the consecration. According... Read More
Confused Parishioner Won’t Stop Accidently Saying “And Also With You”
photo: Gregory L. Tracy Hoboken, New Jersey––It is being reported today that Timothy Perkins of Our Lady of Fatima Catholic Church in Hoboken, New Jersey continually made the wrong responses at Mass, despite having the new laminated translation... Read More
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Libs & Trads
New Book Highlights “Systematic Oppression, Degradation” Of Women In Bible
Washington, DC––Fresh off her groundbreaking sermon denouncing “the misogynist St. Paul” for depriving the demoniac girl of her spiritual gifts... Read More
Weird Sedevacantist Group Apparently Still Waiting for Messiah
Telling those gathered at the annual Confederation of Ultra Traditionalists that they would not recognize the authority of the pope until he acknowledged... Read More
Bishop Reassigns Diocese’s Only Fundamentally Solid Priest To Parish Of 300 People
Just months after igniting a firestorm for preaching Catholic doctrine from the pulpit, local priest Fr. Keith Crowell was reassigned to the diocese’s smallest... Read More
Traditionalists Sanction Protestant Communities Over Vatican II Liturgical Hacks
In a drastic move to secure traditionalist Catholics from liturgical hackers, the Burke administration on Thursday slapped a number of Protestant communities and... Read More
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Politics
Chicago School Board Bans Crosses And Lower Case T’s
In the midst of the political firestorm regarding Montgomery Elementary... Read More
Rubio And Other Christian Birthers Demand To See Trump’s Baptismal Certificate
Image:Gage Skidmore Marco Rubio attacked Donald Trump on Wednesday, questioning... Read More
Peace Breaks Out In Israel Moments After Magic Olive Tree Planted
VATICAN–Just moments after Israeli President Shimon Peres and his... Read More
Michael Voris Hair, Trump Hair Get Together For Drinks
Just days after Super Tuesday, Donald Trump’s hair reportedly called... Read More
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Vatican
Francis Retires From Game Of Papacy After Twenty Illustrious Liturgical Seasons
Image: Andrew Hermiz Pope Francis, the man who helped the Church win hundreds of... Read More
Cardinal Burke Demoted To Chaplain Of Akron RubberDucks Minor League Baseball Team
Akron, OH–Pope Francis has reportedly planned to remove Cardinal Raymond Burke... Read More
Benedict XVI: “The Entire Vial Of Blood, Including Reliquary, Would’ve Liquefied If I Was Holding It”
Just days after St. Gennaro’s blood liquefied after Pope Francis kissed the... Read More
Francis Declares Plane Interviews New Authoritative Form Of Magisterial Teaching
Pope Francis gave a press conference on his flight back to Rome Thursday, declaring... Read More