People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Liturgical Dancer Tests Positive For Performance-Enhancing Drugs

It is being reported this morning that world-renowned liturgical dancer Doris Griffin has tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs. A USCCB spokesman said that trace amounts of an illegal substance were found in Griffin’s blood... Read More

Rookie Monk Out For Advent Season With High Tonsure Sprain

    St. Louis rookie Augustinian Brother Ambrose will be sidelined two to three weeks with a high tonsure sprain, The Augustinian Daily is reporting. Ambrose was injured during last Sunday’s Vesper hour after bowing too fast. “I... Read More

Folk Mass Band Upset Over Masses Interrupting Their Concerts

Yonkers, NY––Blake Jennings, lead guitarist at St. Therese Parish in Yonkers, New York is outraged over what he calls “years of concerts being interrupted by the Mass.” The 56-year-old accountant and father of three has played... Read More

SSPX Chess Player Creates Bishop Pieces Without World Chess Federation Approval

Image: Benjamin Fishman Society of St. Pius X chess grandmaster Larcel Mafebvre has turned four of his pieces into bishops without approval from the World Chess Federation, officials have confirmed. “Mr. Mafebvre has, without approval... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Forward-Thinking Traditionalist To Allow Wife To Wear Pants

  Traditionalist husband Arthur Nash issued his wife of eighteen years, Carla Nash, permission to wear pants “in a manner that is conducive to comfort,... Read More

Scientists Test Effects of Novus Ordo On Longtime Sedevacantist

Dr. William Manders interviewed about Novus Ordo testing on Sedevacantist. Los Angeles, CA–Attempting to explain the physical and emotional toll that an average Sedevacantist... Read More

Area Baptist Church Runs Out Of Welch’s 100% Grape Juice For Communion

San Diego, CA–Pastor Kyle Sandera of Newlife Baptist Church in San Diego, California says that an unanticipated large crowd at Sunday service this past weekend... Read More

New Poll Shows 50% Of Catholics Disagree With Jesus’ Stance On Gay Marriage

Novi, MI––A new poll out today shows that about half of Catholics in America still disagree with the Second Person of the Trinity’s stance on gay marriage.... Read More

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Politics

Last Remaining Christian Living In Jerusalem Excited About Papal Visit

JERUSALEM–Just a day before Pope Francis makes his first Papal Visit... Read More

Audience Of Undecideds Patiently Await Good Zinger To Decide Their Vote

Mike Segar/Reuters After patiently enduring a 90-minute presidential debate... Read More

Chicago Diocese Votes To Leave USCCB; Cupich Steps Down

Image: Goat_Girl Blase Cupich has resigned as Bishop of the Archdiocese... Read More

Italian Doctor Prescribes Israel, Palestine High Dose Of Chill Pill

ROME––At the request of Pope Benedict XVI, Rome’s foremost family counselor Dr. Umberto... Read More

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Vatican

Vatican To Issue Martin Luther Tramp Stamps

According to several reports out today, the Vatican will be issuing lower back tattoos... Read More

Missing Burke Found Alive After Getting Lost Inside Cappa Magna For Five Days

A desperate search for Cardinal Raymond Burke who went missing for two days in the... Read More

Pope Francis Leads Summit On How To Pretend The Church Is Doing Something About The Abuse Scandal

  Pope Francis has called the presidents from bishops conferences around the... Read More

Pope To Move Crystal Cathedral To Rome?

(Photo: Crystal Cathedral, 21 June 2005/Nepenthes) Vatican City––According to... Read More

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