People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada
After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More
Mass
Man Found Dead After Botched Homily
A man whose body was found in a pew at St. Cecila’s Church Friday died from blunt trauma to the heart, the San Bernardino County medical examiners office found after autopsies performed this morning. “We can’t say much at... Read More
Lazy Man Not Helping To Put Up Kneeler
West Bloomfield, MI––A source out of St. Ulric Catholic Church in West Bloomfield, Michigan confirmed Sunday that parishioner Alexander Ramsey had not lifted a finger to assist in putting up or down the kneeler for the consecration. “I... Read More
Parishioner Agnes Day Excited About New Vatican Crackdown On Her Name
Manchester, NH––For over 40 years, Agnes Day, parishioner at St. Luke Parish, has quietly suffered what she called “decades of unnecessary adaptations to her name.” Day, a daily communicant, told Eye of the Tiber how decades... Read More
Homily Never Going To End, Sources Confirm
Galveston, TX–Multiple sources at Prince of Peace Catholic Church in Galveston, Texas have just confirmed that parish pastor Fr. Robert Warner is “never going to wrap up his freaking homily.” 29-year-old mother of three Katrin... Read More
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Libs & Trads
Scientists Test Effects of Novus Ordo On Longtime Sedevacantist
Dr. William Manders interviewed about Novus Ordo testing on Sedevacantist. Los Angeles, CA–Attempting to explain the physical and emotional toll that an average Sedevacantist... Read More
NASA Discovers Earth-like Planet That Could Support Maryknoll Fathers
NASA astronomers today revealed that they have discovered an Earth-like planet close to 600 light years away that might be able to sustain the Maryknoll Fathers... Read More
New Poll Shows 50% Of Catholics Disagree With Jesus’ Stance On Gay Marriage
Novi, MI––A new poll out today shows that about half of Catholics in America still disagree with the Second Person of the Trinity’s stance on gay marriage.... Read More
Rad Trad Woman Just Wants A Good Man Who’s Willing To Wait Till Marriage Before Flagellating
Local SSPV woman Deanna Russell confessed to friends late last night that all she wanted in life was a good and holy man who was willing to wait till marriage before... Read More
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Politics
Pope Francis Declares Homosexuality Obligatory For All Catholics, New York Times Reports
New York, NY––During an interview given while walking from his airplane... Read More
Vatican To Allow Trump To Choose American Bishops
Image: Gage Skidmore The Vatican’s recent agreement to give... Read More
Trump Reportedly No Longer Considering Pope Francis As Running Mate
Close to a week after presidential nominee Donald Trump called Mexicans... Read More
Parishioners Refuse To Stand During The Our Father
[News Brief] Catholics parishioners across the U.S. protested during... Read More
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Vatican
Vatican’s Hit Television Show “World’s Next Top Cardinal” Renewed
Image: Carolus The most successful elevation reality TV series in Catholic television... Read More
[BREAKING] Benedict To Remain Pope, Area Catholic Dreaming
Albany, NY––Just days after he shocked the world by announcing his decision... Read More
Pope Francis Calls Zack Snyder To Complain About Choice Of Ben Affleck For Batman
Hollywood, CA––”Hello, it’s Pope Francis,” were the first... Read More
Vatican To Project Microsoft Bubbles Screensaver Onto St. Peter’s Whenever Basilica Not In Use
An illuminated projection of the Microsoft Office Bubbles theme onto the facade... Read More
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Recent Comments
“Screw It, Just Canonize Them All,” The Vatican SaysAnd Msgr. Charles Pope.
