People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada
After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More
Mass
Confused Parishioner Won’t Stop Accidently Saying “And Also With You”
photo: Gregory L. Tracy Hoboken, New Jersey––It is being reported today that Timothy Perkins of Our Lady of Fatima Catholic Church in Hoboken, New Jersey continually made the wrong responses at Mass, despite having the new laminated translation... Read More
Quick-Thinking Parishioners Rush Altar To Assist Lone Priest
Culver City, CA––Parishioners of St. Raymond Catholic Church in Culver City, California were forced to jump into action during Mass early Monday morning when it appeared that only one priest would be available for the consecration. According... Read More
ICEL Calls For All-Meme Missal Translation For Youth Masses
Citing a need for the Church to “reach out to its estranged youth,” the International Commission on English in the Liturgy requested, and has already begun intensive work on, an all-meme edition of the Roman Missal. Representatives from... Read More
Parishioner Agnes Day Excited About New Vatican Crackdown On Her Name
Manchester, NH––For over 40 years, Agnes Day, parishioner at St. Luke Parish, has quietly suffered what she called “decades of unnecessary adaptations to her name.” Day, a daily communicant, told Eye of the Tiber how decades... Read More
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Libs & Trads
Area Jesuit Excited About New “Clerics” From Tommy Bahama
Seattle, WA––The Seattle-based manufacturer of casual men’s sportswear Tommy Bahama is set to release its highly-anticipated new line of clothing for... Read More
St. Clare Press Ready To Publish New Non-confrontational Translation Of Bible
Cincinnati, OH––Catholic book publisher and distributer St. Clare Press announced today that their new non-confrontational translation of the Bible will be... Read More
National Catholic Reporter Beats Out Eye Of The Tiber For Best Catholic News Parody
Los Angeles, CA––Winners of the 10th annual National Catholic Awards were announced last night at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood. The star-studded event, which... Read More
Report: All That Really Matters Is Having A Good Heart
Portland, OR–A new study released today by millions of Catholics and non-Catholics from across the globe shows that having a good heart is more pleasing to... Read More
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Politics
Paula Deen Not In Hot Water After Using Anti-Catholic Slur
Savannah, GA––Just weeks after admitting she used racist and anti-Semitic comments... Read More
Area Catholic Offended by the Phrase “Merry Christmas”
New York, NY––Local Catholic and Liturgical stickler Gerry Brownstone... Read More
Francis Urges Americans To Build Wall Around Trump
Image:Michael Vadon Pope Francis said Thursday that presidential candidate Donald... Read More
Francis Writes Emotional Letter To Nike Executives Thanking Them For Taking Spotlight Off Him
Pope Francis has reportedly sent an emotional letter to executives... Read More
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Vatican
Pope Francis To Work Midnight Shift At McDonald’s to Help The Poor
ROME––The new Holy Father, after paying his hotel bill the day of his election... Read More
Head Of Vatican Secret Archives Enjoys Muttering Cryptic Half-Sentences Just To Mess With People’s Heads
Head of Vatican Secret Archives Monsignor Luigi Alfresco admitted to close friends... Read More
Vatican To Project Microsoft Bubbles Screensaver Onto St. Peter’s Whenever Basilica Not In Use
An illuminated projection of the Microsoft Office Bubbles theme onto the facade... Read More
Ringling Bros. Circus And Its Subsidiary The Vatican To Shut Down In May
Image:AlejandroLinaresGarcia After more than 140 years, the curtain is... Read More