People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Folk Mass Band Upset Over Masses Interrupting Their Concerts

Yonkers, NY––Blake Jennings, lead guitarist at St. Therese Parish in Yonkers, New York is outraged over what he calls “years of concerts being interrupted by the Mass.” The 56-year-old accountant and father of three has played... Read More

“Why Ain’t Nobody Singin’ Back the Responsory?” Lector Wondering. “My Arms Is Raised Up High Like They Supposed To Be”

Knoxville, TN––Lector at St. Hildegund Catholic Church in Nashville, Tennessee Helen Banks is currently questioning why parishioners are neglecting to sing the Responsory after clearly being given the cue to respond. “Why ain’t... Read More

ICEL Calls For All-Meme Missal Translation For Youth Masses

Citing a need for the Church to “reach out to its estranged youth,” the International Commission on English in the Liturgy requested, and has already begun intensive work on, an all-meme edition of the Roman Missal. Representatives from... Read More

Liturgical Dancer Tests Positive For Performance-Enhancing Drugs

It is being reported this morning that world-renowned liturgical dancer Doris Griffin has tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs. A USCCB spokesman said that trace amounts of an illegal substance were found in Griffin’s blood... Read More

View All Articles in this Category...

Libs & Trads

Unimaginative Priest Celebrates Themeless Mass

Citing a lack of time and energy, as well as feeling the “total absence of the liturgical muse,” local pastor Fr. Mike Conway this week spent close to no time... Read More

“Yeah, You’re Going To Hell,” SSPX Priest Tells 12-Year-Old Penitent

Local Society of St. Pius X priest Father Marvin McDonald informed 12-year-old parishioner Timmy Seibel that he was, “without a doubt,” going to hell for hitting... Read More

SSPX Vehemently Protesting Canonization of St. Peter

VATICAN––Members of the Society of St. Pius X have stormed the internet and radio waves in violent protest against the upcoming canonization of Pope Simon Peter... Read More

PHOTO: J. Scott Applewhite / AP Photo

Nuns On Bus Scour Ohio In Search of Misplaced Veils

OHIO––A group of Catholic nuns began a 1,000 mile bus tour through Ohio this week asking locals whether or not they have seen their veils. The group of about... Read More

View All Articles in this Category...

Politics

King Richard III Confirmed Dead

Leicester, England–Scientists say they have found the missing remains... Read More

Benedictines Suspend Monk For Bullying Novice

Miami, FL–Benedictines from around the country are calling on the... Read More

Pewsitter Employee Considering Adding A Few Additional Exclamation Points To Headline

After close to an hour of staring at the headline he had just written... Read More

Nancy Pelosi Recites Her Favorite Bible Verse: “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger”

Image: Gage Skidmore House Speaker Nancy Pelosi quoted her favorite... Read More

View All Articles in this Category...

Vatican

CDF Directs Enthusiasts Not To Host Bigfoot “Seers”

Bear Valley, CA–At the direction of the California Department of Forestry... Read More

“Minotaurs And Krakens Is Where I Draw The line,” Pope Francis Says. “I Would Not Convert Them”

VATICAN–Pope Francis said in his morning Mass on Monday that if Martians came... Read More

Pope: “Harry Potter And The Sorcerer’s Stone Is Also Badly Translated”

Credit: Malacañang Photo Bureau   Pope Francis has called for the renaming... Read More

Pope Benedict Declares 2013 “Year Of Stuff”

Vatican – Wednesday Angelus attendees were shocked today when His Holiness Pope... Read More

View All Articles in this Category...