Vatican’s Hit Television Show “World’s Next Top Cardinal” Renewed
Image: Carolus The most successful elevation reality TV series in Catholic television history, World’s Next Top Cardinal, has been renewed. This Spring, Season 3 of WNTC will be strutting down the center aisle runway on VaricanH1 with a new host, panel members, and a batch of brand new ecclesiastical experts. As always, the competition will feature an all-male cast competing for the coveted auriphrygiata. “In 2017, cardinaling is going... Read More
Pope Francis Seen Walking Around The Vatican Carrying Bloody, Barbed Wire Baseball Bat
Rumors out of Rome began swirling yesterday after Pope Francis was seen walking around the Vatican with a bloody, barbed wire baseball bat that many reported hearing the Pontiff refer to as “Saint Lucille.” “It’s really been kinda intense here the past few days,” said Swiss Guard, Luca Shmid. “He’s been walking around with an odd, obnoxious smirk on his face talking about Saint Lucille being thirsty, and... Read More
‘The Walking Pope’ Mid-Season Finale Recap
Season 3 of The Walking Pope has been a downward slide for EWTN who produced the hit TV show as well as the pontificate it’s based on. As many viewers have said before, many of the problems stem from Francis’s exhausting form of liberal villainy, but he is not the only problem. Last night’s mid-season finale “Sacred and Immaculate Hearts Still Beating” gave viewers brief glimpses of what made the pontificate work before this season... Read More
Vatican Offering Cyber Monday 50% Off Sale On All Indulgences
Even though far more Catholics shopped online than in churches on Black Friday weekend, they are apparently not done yet. A new EOTT survey released Sunday estimates that some 67-million Roman Catholics will shop online for their remission of temporal punishment in purgatory due for sins after absolution on Cyber Monday. That’s up only slightly from last year’s 65-million shoppers. With Walmart and Amazon recently entering the Cyber Monday indulgence... Read More
Four Cardinals Ask Francis To Clarify IKEA Instructions
Image: Sean Hobson Telling the press today that instructions of Pope Francis’ IKEA gift to them had numerous inconsistencies, four cardinals wrote a letter to him asking that he “resolve the uncertainties and bring clarity to the instruction manual for the armchair.” “We the undersigned, but also many bishops and priests, ask that you provide the correct interpretation to page three of the IKEA instructions for your AMÖRIS Armchair gift,”... Read More