CDF Directs Enthusiasts Not To Host Bigfoot “Seers”
Bear Valley, CA–At the direction of the California Department of Forestry (CDF), a representative for the State agency has written a letter stating that enthusiasts “are not permitted” to participate in gatherings which take for granted that the supposed Bigfoot sightings in California are credible. “The Department [of Forestry] has affirmed that, with regard to the credibility of the ‘sightings’ in question, all should accept the declaration,... Read More
89-Year-Old Journalist Who Reconstructed Francis Interview From Memory Can’t Find His Teeth
ROME––After speculation began to circulate regarding the validity of a recent interview between journalist Eugenio Scalfari and Pope Francis published in La Repubblica, the Vatican confirmed yesterday that the interview was not taped, and that the 89-year-old journalist had not only “forgotten to take notes, but that he had also misplaced his teeth.” Just days after the interview was published, some in the Church reportedly began to question... Read More
Benedict Breaks Silence With Letter To Atheist; Atheist Denies Existence Of Letter
VATICAN–Breaking his silence for the first time since receiving a letter from Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, in which Benedict defended himself against accusations that he tried to conceal sex abuse cases, renowned Italian atheist and mathematician Piergiorgio Odifreddi asked reporters today what they were talking about. In a letter written to media outlets around Rome this morning, Odifreddi not only denied ever receiving a response to his claim that... Read More
Man Whose Every Word Is Misrepresented Thinks 12,000 Word Interview A Good Idea
VATICAN––It was reported earlier this week that an outgoing Argentinian born man, whose every single word is misconstrued and misrepresented by friends in the media, has for some reason, resolved to give them an additional 12,000 more words to have fun with. “If you think about it, what’s the worst that could happen?” said the man as he neglected to write down even just a handful of key statements that he could use during the interview... Read More
Local Doctor Tells Patient to Stop Being “Obsessed” with his Cancer
Minneapolis, MN––Dr. Simon Townsend, in an interview with United States Magazine, sent a clear message to his patient, Mr. Christopher Watts, who is suffering from stage-four terminal cancer. “Mr. Watts needs to stop letting himself get locked up in small things like the ever-growing tumors in his lungs that daily threaten his life.” Citing a need for his patient to widen his scope and not look myopically at one particular issue, the... Read More