BREAKING: Priests Accused Of Selling Indulgences For Bit Coins
VATICAN––Sources are confirming this morning that 11 priests are being accused of selling indulgences for bitcoins. The news comes just days after Pope Francis removed Bishop Ronaldo Tetzel from his position at the Vatican Bank after he admitted to sanctioning the sale of indulgences for those who gave “bit-alms” to help pay for renovations at St. Peter’s Basilica. “We are currently investigating how large scale this operation... Read More
Pope Francis Apologizes For Prank Video Message To Evangelicals
Pope Francis is apologizing this morning after it was revealed that a video of the Pontiff calling for “communion” with Protestant communities was actually a prank. In a candid video taken from an iPhone earlier this morning, Francis expressed regret for the video sent to a recent gathering of Charismatic and Pentecostal ministers hosted by Kenneth Copeland, in which he stated that he desired “Christians to become one again.” “No joke, Benedict... Read More
2014 Sochi Olympics: Why Has The Vatican Yet To Medal?
SOCHI, Russia––For only the third time in Winter Games history, the United States swept the podium, capturing the top three spots Thursday in Slopestyle Skiing’s Olympic debut, an event that many sports historians say was created in the past four years by a half-baked college kid in his dorm room in Colorado. In the meantime, the Vatican has yet to medal, leading EOTT to ask just why the Holy See National Team has failed to take to the podium. “From... Read More
What The Hell Kinda Name Is ‘Marcial Maciel,’ Anyway, New Study Asks
VATICAN–The Vatican is asking Catholics to participate in a global survey that asks, “What the hell kinda name is Marcial Maciel, anyway?” The survey, which deals with challenges facing the apostolate after some admitted that their late founder, Father Marcial Maciel, had not been a saintly man, but had been addicted to drugs, fathered children, and was most probably guilty of sexually abusing seminarians. “We ask a few questions in the survey,”... Read More
Days After Abolishing “Monsignor” Honor For Priests, Pope Abolishes “Priest” Honor For Seminarians
VATICAN––Days after abolishing the title of “monsignor,” Pope Francis has now reportedly eliminated the practice of granting seminarians the title of “priest,” a Vatican insider told EOTT this morning from Rome. According to a report Sunday by the Italian newspaper La Repubblica, only single laymen over the age of 65 will from now on be eligible to receive the title of priest. “The title of priest is primarily honorific,... Read More