“Most Of The Words That Come Out Of My Mouth Are Invalid,” Pope Francis Suggests
Image: Alfredo Borba Pope Francis said Thursday that the majority of the words that come “spilling” out of his mouth are invalid because most of the time he doesn’t understand that what he says is permanent. “We live in a culture of the provisional,” the Pontiff said, responding to a question about the “crisis of his pontificate.” Francis said he often doesn’t comprehend the importance of what he’s saying when speaking... Read More
Pope Francis Pets Tamed SSPX Priest During Vatican Jubilee For Travelling Clerics
Credit: Malacañang Photo Bureau (News Brief) Pope Francis pet a tamed Society of Saint Pius X priest at a jubilee for travelling clerics in the Vatican today. At the jubilee, the pope greeted members of SSPX, acolytes, deacons, and subdeacons, as well as a docile Society priest and bishop. Francis thanked the traveling priests for how they open their Masses “to the most needy, the poor, prisoners, and the most pissed off Catholics in the Church.” “This... Read More
Pope Francis Announces He Not Planning To Ever Retire, Die
Pope Francis announced Sunday that he has no plans to retire from his position as the leader of the Catholic Church, or to die. The pontiff responded to a question from a young man at the Vatican, assuring Catholics and supporters that the thought of retirement or death has not even occurred to him. “I never thought of quitting being pope, or of leaving because of the many responsibilities,” Pope Francis told reporters. “And to those who... Read More
Pope To Commission Study To Find More Ways He Can Confuse People
Pope Francis said today that he would set up a commission to study whether or not he can find more ways to confuse and frustrate the living crap out of people, revealing an openness to re-examining the church’s long-held insistence on not speaking off-the-cuff. His move was hailed as a breakthrough by those in the media who have clamored for years to be given more stuff to speculate on, and who cite research showing that a pope whose speeches were scripted... Read More
Pope Francis Accidentally Misplaces Keys To The Kingdom Of Heaven
Image: Andrew Hermiz Saying that he could’ve sworn he put them right there on top of the cabinet beside his bed, Pope Francis is reportedly frantically tearing up his apartment in search of his pair of keys to the Kingdom of Heaven that he misplaced sometime this afternoon. “Oh, come on, Francis, you always do this!” an angry Francis berated himself as he tossed sheets to the floor, looked inside his freezer, and in the inside pockets of all... Read More