CNN Forced To Neglect Coverage Of March For Life Due To Breaking Footage Of Dolphin Stranded In NYC Canal

  Atlanta, GA––CNN PR director Richard Seymour apologized to viewers via twitter this afternoon after station officials realized they would not be covering the annual March for Life due to breaking footage released of a dolphin stranded in Brooklyn’s highly polluted Gowanus Canal. “Un4tunately not gonna be covring the March on CNN,“ he wrote via his twitter page. “Luv the March but we R talking bout a life here.”... Read More

Around The Clock Coverage As Tens Of People March To Protect European Starling Bird Eggs

European Starling eggs. Washington, DC–MSNBC has announced that they will be providing around the clock coverage of this weekend’s March for Life for European Starling eggs. According to network sources, the right to life and liberty for all creatures, including European Starlings, is “paramount, and the most important issue of our day.” “The European Starling is one of the last remaining creatures in the country whose... Read More

Scalia Beheaded For Wearing Thomas More Hat To Inauguration

Washington, DC––Just one day after he was seen wearing a replica of the cap made famous by 16th century martyr Thomas More, thousands of onlookers today witnessed the beheading of Justice Anton Scalia in the National Mall. Under heavy security, Scalia, a conservative jurist in the Supreme Court, was escorted out of the National Mall by officials for questioning immediately after the Presidential Inauguration yesterday. “After hours of talks... Read More

Chicago School Board Bans Crosses And Lower Case T’s

In the midst of the political firestorm regarding Montgomery Elementary School student Adrian Townsend’s right to wear a cross necklace, the Chicago School Board announced today that crosses, crucifixes, and lower case T’s would be banned in all public schools in the Chicago Unified School District. “We feel that things such as the cross may be offensive to those students who have no religious affiliation,” President of the... Read More

Head Of Opus Dei Reaffirms Prelature Not A Cult

ROME––Bishop Javier Echevarria Rodriguez, head of the Prelature of the Holy Cross and Opus Dei, countered what he called “unfair and ridiculous attacks” against Opus Dei on Immaculate Heart Radio this morning. “Because of documentaries, the mainstream media, as well as books like The DiVince Code,” he said, “far too many people have been seduced by the idea that we’re Catholic Freemasons; a secret society manipulating... Read More

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