USCCB Sword Swallowing Challenge Raising Little Money, Causing Terrible Injuries
You’ve seen all the USCCB Sword Swallowing Challenge videos by now. Everyone from Catholic celebrities like The Curt Jester writer Jeff Miller, Fr. Robert Barron, and Jeff Cavins, to your friends have posted videos of themselves slowly dropping swords down their throats to help raise money for the USCCB. Roughly a hundred sword swallowing videos have helped raise more than $20 for the USCCB since July 29, but for some, watching unqualified people... Read More
Pope Francis Spends First Day In Korea Wondering Whether He’s In The Good Or Bad Korea
Seoul, Good Korea–The pope read a 10-minute speech in English at the Presidential office in Seoul, noting that the name “South Korea” was not distinct enough from “the other one” so as to help westerners remember which of the two is the bad one. Although he did not directly mention North Korea, the references were clear, with his speech following an address by South Korean President Park Geun-hye, who dedicated most of her message slamming... Read More
Iraqi Christian Who Risks Life To Attend Mass Not Super Concerned About Bad Church Music Right Now
Tel Keppe, Iraq–As Iraqi Christian Raghda Ablahad and three other family members risked their lives to attend Sunday Mass in Tel Keppe, Iraq, this week, Ablahad reported to family members that Catholics around the world were, at that very moment, “no joke,” complaining about female altar servers, as well as the music at Mass. Ablahad told family members that, though she, herself, was not a big fan of the music played at her church,... Read More
31 NFL Head Coaches Face Possible Firings For Not Drafting Openly Gay Defensive End Michael Sam
New York, NY–According to reports coming from the National Football League today, 31 NFL head coaches are facing possible firings after intolerantly deciding to pass over mediocre 24-year-old Defensive End Michael Sam. “We cannot and will not tolerate intolerance in the National Football League,” NFL commissioner Roger Goodell told the press this morning. “Therefore, we have decided to suspend every coach that passed on this, at best, second-rate... Read More
Mosul Muslims Delight Christian Neighbors with “One-Eyed Willy” Smiley Faces
Mosul, IRAQ––The Western Media is reporting a growing new trend in Iraq’s ancient city of Mosul, showing the comradery between its Muslim and Christian inhabitants: a playful bit of graffiti spray-painted on a growing number of Christian homes. “The symbol clearly represents the character of One-Eyed Willy, the legendary pirate whose treasure is sought by the charming rascals we know as the Goonies,” said MSNBC correspondent Brian Fisher, from... Read More