BREAKING: Vatican To Posthumously Grant Henry VIII Annulment; Queen To Dissolve Church Of England
Sources in the Vatican are now confirming that Pope Francis has agreed to posthumously grant King Henry VIII an annulment from Catherine of Aragon. Numerous reports have come out in the past couple of days about the possibility of such a move, with aides close to Queen Elizabeth telling EOTT that such a decision on the Vatican’s part would essentially end the centuries old schism. Media outlets in England are also reporting that once the annulment... Read More
Cardinals Distancing Themselves From Pope Ahead Of Next Papal Election
Ahead of the next Papal Elections, many Cardinals have begun to distance themselves from the Pope, whose approval rating amongst traditional leaning Catholics is at an all-time low. As these Cardinals are beginning to focus on their possible election to the throne of St. Peter, they are increasingly calculating how close is too close to an unpopular Pope Francis. The Pope’s dismal poll ratings with traditional minded Catholics could sink many cardinal’s... Read More
Planned Oklahoma City Black Mass Stirring Controversy With Schismatic Satanist Group
Oklahoma City, OK–The black mass scheduled for September 21 in Oklahoma City is stirring lots of controversy with traditional minded Satanist, The Oklahoma City Satanist Weekly is reporting. The open invitation “black mass” scheduled to be held at the Civic Center Music Hall is sold-out, but one schismatic Satanic group is calling the upcoming black mass a “sacrilege” against the Prince of Darkness. Anthony Williams, the leader of the schismatic... Read More
St. Patrick’s Day Drunks And Gluttons Afraid Inclusion Of Gay Group At Parade Will Make Mockery Of Feast Day
New York, NY–The nation’s St. Patrick’s day drunks and gluttons expressed outrage this week after learning that a gay group would be allowed to march in this year’s St. Patrick’s Day parade. Stating that a gay group being allowed to march at the St. Patrick’s Day parade would make a mockery of the Church, New York resident and perpetually drunk Catholic Jonathan Fold slobberingly announced today that he would be skipping the parade altogether... Read More
Dolan, Jenky To Settle Dispute Over Sheen Remains In Octagon
A verbal battle between two Catholic leaders over the body of legendary Archbishop Fulton Sheen has put the former television personality’s sainthood campaign on hiatus. The bishop of Peoria, Illinois, Bishop Daniel Jenky, has been working to beatify Sheen for some time, but all that came to an unexpected hiatus this week when Cardinal Timothy Dolan of New York reportedly told Jenky to “Back up before you gets smacked the heck up.” In a letter... Read More