New Terrorist Video Shows Christians Being Served Coffee In Red Cups
A new terrorist video put out today by Starbucks shows the latest batch of Christmas killers being trained by the terror group called “Barista.” The 9-minute propaganda video released by Starbucks shows masked trainees wielding non-festive red cups and making inflammatory remarks such as “Happy Holidays” in an unknown location in Seattle, Washington. The chilling video of green-clad barista terrorists standing behind a counter serving paying hostages... Read More
Vatican Does Not Deny Francis Visit With Tom Brady; Tells QB To “Stay Strong”
Image: Andrew Campbell/Flickr A source close to Pope Francis this week reported to the media that His Holiness met privately in Washington last week with Tom Brady, the quarterback in New England who defied an NFL order to not deflate balls and cheat during games. Senior Vatican officials initially did not confirm that the meeting had occurred until Wednesday afternoon, though they refused to discuss any of the details. Mr. Brady, the star quarterback... Read More
Francis Strategically Substitutes Word “Environment” For “Abortion” At Public Address At White House
Credit: Malacañang Photo Bureau In a strategic attempt to speak about abortion at the White House without being “lambasted” by the media Wednesday, Pope Francis spent the majority of his time substituting the words “environment” and “climate change” for the actual subject of his address: abortion. “It seems clear to me that abortion, I mean climate change, is a problem which can no longer be left to a future generation,” Francis said,... Read More
Catholic High School Freshman Arrested After Taking Homemade Liturgical Calendar To School
Image: Patnac Local police chief Ronald Defray announced today that charges will not be filed against Arthur Koch, the Mater Dei Catholic high school freshman arrested Monday after he brought what school officials and police described as a “paper-looking bomb thingy” on campus. At a press conference early this morning, Defray said the device, confiscated by an English teacher despite Koch’s insistence that it was a liturgical calendar, was... Read More
Pewsitter Employee Considering Adding A Few Additional Exclamation Points To Headline
After close to an hour of staring at the headline he had just written about Pope Francis, an employee at the news aggregation website Pewsitter has reportedly begun questioning whether or not to add an additional exclamation point or three, sources have revealed. The unnamed Pewsitter writer reportedly told a fellow staff member this morning that after having written his most recent headline about the Pontiff, that he wasn’t sure whether or not the headline... Read More