Local Priest Approves Transgender Confessionals
Pastor of St. Vitus Catholic Church Father David Hitchens said Wednesday his order that his church allow transgender parishioners to use the confessional they identify with will stand. Hitchens, speaking at a Knights of Columbus breakfast, said that he got involved in the matter after an unidentified parishioner asked him for guidance. “What happened and what continues to happen is you have transgender parishioners in church not sure which of the... Read More
Chicago Diocese Votes To Leave USCCB; Cupich Steps Down
Image: Goat_Girl Blase Cupich has resigned as Bishop of the Archdiocese of Chicago after the diocese voted yesterday to leave the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. An emotional Cupich fought back tears late last night as he announced his resignation. Surrounded by altar servers, deacons, and priests dressed as clowns, Cupich delivered an emotional statement outside Holy Name Cathedral. Cupich said he accepted the decision of the laity, which... Read More
Thousands Sign Petition Calling For Immediate Canonization Of Harambe
Animal rights activists have created an online petition asking the Congregation for the Causes of Saints to waive the sainthood waiting period for Harambe, the endangered 450-pound gorilla who was fatally shot after a boy fell into its “hermitage” at the Cincinnati Zoo. The petition, which has already gathered over 300,000 signatures, asks Pope Francis to immediately proclaim Harambe a saint, elevating the great ape to the universal veneration of the... Read More
Fr. Frank Pavone Accidentally Named Supreme Court Nominee After Obama Inadvertently Picks Up Wrong File From Desk
Image: Wiki Commons Catholic priest and pro-life activist Fr. Frank Pavone was accidentally made President Obama’s choice to fill the vacant Supreme Court seat after an intern inadvertently mixed up several White House files, sources are reporting. A clearly embarrassed Obama named Pavone as a Supreme Court nominee Wednesday as they stood before a large gathering of attendees in the Rose Garden, both awkwardly glancing at one another for some time... Read More
Michael Voris Hair, Trump Hair Get Together For Drinks
Just days after Super Tuesday, Donald Trump’s hair reportedly called Texas Catholic and apologist Michael Voris’ hair to “comb on over to the bar” to celebrate the victory. According to reports, Trump’s hair told Voris’ hair that there would be “Hell toupee,” if he did not eventually win the GOP nomination. “Listen, hairs where the story ends for the other nominees, alright?” Voris’ hair reportedly said, “You got the nomination... Read More