Vatican Opens Cause Of Canonization For Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg After Mistakenly Believing Her Dead And Incorrupt
July 10, 2019 by Admin
Filed under Politics, Uncategorized
Much to its embarrassment, it was discovered this week that the Congregation for the Causes of Saints had an open file on United States Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. An EOTT investigation revealed that Justice Ginsburg’s cause was opened after an undersecretary of the Congregation, Msgr. Nicola Tarducci, became convinced that Justice Ginsburg was incorrupt. This past November, Msgr. Tarducci saw a picture of Justice Ginsburg taken... Read More
Perfect Meme Reverses Roe v. Wade
In a desperate effort to outdo a pro-life meme that was so great and perfect that the Supreme Court had no choice but to overrule Roe v. Wade Wednesday, local pro-choice activists were forced to work through the night to come up with their “gem” of a meme. “It was the most outstanding piece of logic, sprinkled with just the right amount of humor,” Justice Sonia Sotomayor told the press. “This is not the process that we in the Supreme Court... Read More
Cohen Accuses Trump Of Not Being The Chivalrous Gentleman and Scholar Entire Nation Thinks He Is
Image: Gage Skidmore In devastating testimony on Capitol Hill earlier today, President Trump’s former personal attorney Michael Cohen accused the president of a pattern unfit for the gentleman and scholar that the entire world believes him to be. “Everyone thinks he is this perfect, gallant, flawless man,” Cohen told congress in his opening statement. “And he might be close to it, but he does have some minor flaws, and that is... Read More
Pope Michael Declares Emergency to Install Communion Rails
Pope Michael announced Friday that he was declaring a state of emergency to construct communion rails in all Catholic churches across the globe. Bypassing Pope Francis, Michael said he would use executive action “granted to him by God” to siphon money from the Knights of Columbus as well as Peter’s Pence to help pay for the rails, an aide said. Michael made the announcement from his rose garden as he claimed immigration of the laity moving... Read More
Nancy Pelosi Recites Her Favorite Bible Verse: “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger”
Image: Gage Skidmore House Speaker Nancy Pelosi quoted her favorite Bible verse while speaking to a group of university students last week, saying that the verse that most speaks to her is “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Though Pelosi admitted that she has been unsuccessful in her search for the verse in the Bible, she claimed that it was definitely somewhere in there, “most likely in Isaiah or somewhere like that.” “It’s... Read More