Nun Trampled Near Scapular Section During “O’Brien’s Church Supplies” Black Friday Sale

Biloxi, MS––An O’Brien’s Church Supplies shopper was injured earlier today after an out of control mob of frenzied shoppers smashed through the Biloxi store’s front doors and trampled her, police said. The Black Friday stampede plunged the religious good store into chaos as hundreds of people desperately tried to get their hands on the newly-released Sixfold Scapular, knocking several employees to the ground and sending others... Read More

Report: Jesus Spoke With Spectacular British Accent

Lansing, MI––A recently discovered DVD found in the attic of the Williams family last night has shed light on the language and accent used by the Son of God while on earth, the Lansing family is reporting this morning. After close to 2,000 years, the mystery of Jesus’ dialect and accent was answered after the Williams family’s stunning find while watching a DVD of the 1977 television miniseries of Jesus of Nazareth produced by the BBC.... Read More

Replica Of Shroud Of Turin Replica On Display In Wilmington, Delaware

Wilmington, DE––A replica of the replica of the Shroud of Turin, the hand painted copy of the replica of the shroud believed to have been wrapped around Jesus after his death, went on display today in Wilmington, Delaware. “It’s amazing to look at,” Fr. Jerome Franklin of St. Matthew Catholic Church said. “I mean the people, not the Shroud. It’s amazing to just look out at all these Catholics come to venerate a replica... Read More

Man May Have Accidentally Skipped Bead; Begins Decade Over Again

Bridgeport, CT––After having lost himself in a daydream while saying the rosary earlier this morning, 34-year-old Bridgeport resident Luke Spencer awoke unsure of whether his thumb may have accidentally skipped a couple beads while simultaneously saying his rosary and dreaming about Japanese Snow Monkeys bathing in the hot springs of the mountainous region of Nagano, Japan. “At least I know what decade I’m on,” Spencer... Read More

Priest Announces He Enjoyed Reading Encyclical Divino Afflante Spiritu: Encyclical Of Pope Pius XII On Promoting Biblical Studies, Commemorating The Fiftieth Anniversary Of Providentissimus Deus To Our Venerable Brethren, Patriarchs, Archbishops, And Other Local Ordinaries Enjoying Peace And Communion With The Apostolic See

Milwaukee, WI––Father Robert Jennings of Milwaukee, Wisconsin announced to friends today that he thoroughly enjoyed reading the 1943 Papal Encyclical, Encyclical Divino Afflante Spiritu: Enclyclical Of Pope Pius XII On Promoting Biblical Studies, Commemorating The Fiftieth Anniversary Of Providentissimus Deus To Our Venerable Brethren, Patriarchs, Archbishops, And Other Local Ordinaries Enjoying Peace And Communion With The Apostolic See. “Divino... Read More

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