Study: Every Large Catholic Family In The U.S. Has A “Bernadette”

Washington, DC––A new study out today has found that every Catholic family of seven or more children had at least one girl named “Bernadette.” The study put out by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops asked the 85 large Catholic families left in the United States for a list of their children’s names, and found that all 85 families had at least one “Bernadette.” “Along with one ‘Bernadette,’... Read More

Priest Accidentally Leaves Lapel Mic On In Confessional; Your Darkest, Deepest Secrets Revealed To Everyone

Your Parish–It was reported today that your parish pastor Father John Frank accidently left his lapel mic on after having finished saying Mass, consequently revealing to everyone in the church all of your deepest and darkest secrets. The news came just moments after revealing for the first time that thing you did during the summer of ’98, and all the people that suffered as a consequence of your shameless acts. “I couldn’t believe what I was... Read More

Ancient Manuscript Reveals Adam Had Midlife Crisis At Age 452

JERUSALEM–A recently discovered piece of papyrus unearthed by a Tel Aviv University researcher has revealed that Adam, the Old Testament patriarch who is said to have lived for 930 years, may have suffered a severe midlife crisis at the age of 452. Tel Aviv University professor Beyamin Zimmermann says he has found an ancient papyrus fragment that appears to indicate that Adam showed symptoms of a midlife crisis, including a portion that mentions... Read More

Eye Of The Tiber 2013 Year In Review

This January, Canadian pastor Ben Gregor of St. Dwenden Catholic Church was forced to postpone the consecration for nearly two hours after no laity could be found to bring up the gifts to the altar. After being questioned as to why there needed be anyone to bring up the gifts, Gregor justified his decision telling EOTT that, “Without Mary’s Fiat, there is no Jesus to be born; and without the laity’s Fiat in presenting, there is no bread to... Read More

Ambitious Woman Chooses To Read “Verse In One Year Bible” As New Year’s Resolution

Charlotte, NC––After having failed to finish her One Year Bible for the third consecutive year in a row, Debbie Scholes of Charlotte, North Carolina committed herself yesterday to reading an entire verse from the Bible as her New Year’s resolution, sources confirmed. “She’s tried for years to read the entire Bible in a year, but she always just starts losing momentum about a week or so in,” the source told reporters. “Luckily... Read More

« Previous Page — Next Page »