Relic Of The True Apple Eaten By Adam And Eve Being Sold On Ebay For $15

The International Network—An item placed on Ebay last weekend has relic collectors excited about a new find. The supposed relic of the True Apple from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil is being auctioned off with the starting bid at $15. Relic enthusiast Gerry Smith told EOTT this morning that he believed there was no doubt of the apple’s authenticity. “The question isn’t ‘Is this the real thing?’ The question is ‘Why wouldn’t... Read More

Skinny Southern California Girl Who Fasted From Carbohydrates And Fatty Foods Not Ready To Give Up Her Lenten Fast

San Diego, CA–Despite having successfully fulfilled her Lenten fast from carbohydrates and fatty foods, skinny SoCal girl Amber Miller announced today that she would be continuing her fast indefinitely out of love for Jesus and her new set of rock-hard abs. “The Bible says that JC fasted for 40 days and 40 nights…and that obviously means he fasted from carbohydrates and fatty foods. I wanted to act in imitation of Him,” Miller said as she oiled... Read More

On Good Friday, Christians To Celebrate The Holy Feast Of The Fastest And Most Violent Reversal Of Public Opinion In History

From the News Desk––With Passion Week beginning today, Catholics and non-Catholic Christians from across the globe gather to contemplate the events leading up to the Holy Feast of the Fastest and Most Violent Reversal of Public Opinion in History. Passion Week begins with Palm Sunday, which commemorates Jesus’ triumphant entry into Jerusalem, and the crowd’s acceptance of him as “Hosanna.” Millions of Christians worldwide will honor the... Read More

New Line Of Sleek, Sexy Ankle Length Jean Jumpers Stirs Up Controversy At Homeschool Fashion Show

Renowned homeschool fashion designer Mary Elisabeth O’Conner kicked off this year’s Homeschool Fashion Show, unveiling her new line of sleek and racy ankle length jean jumpers. The event, which also featured many other star-studded designers and their lines of long white undershirts and black clogs, has come under scrutiny from the Homeschool Society of Virginia, whose President recently called on homeschool mothers to ban the O’Conner line. O’Conner’s... Read More

5-Year-Old Parishioner Thinks Being Removed From Mass During Homily For Children’s Ministry A Complete Load Of Bull Crap

Beaverton, OR–Speaking to a group of children gathered in a room next to St. Margret Catholic Church in Beaverton, Oregon this Sunday, 5-year-old parishioner Jacob Kelting expressed his frustration at having to be “herded” out of church and into the Children’s Ministry Room. Kelting reported that the idea that children should be removed from the splendor of the Mass just to color in a picture of an awkwardly smiling Jesus standing beside children... Read More

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