Diocese Of Gaylord, Michigan To Change Its Name To Peoplewhostrugglewithsamesexattractionlord, Michigan

Peoplewhostrugglewithsamesexattractionlord, MI—Parishioners in the Diocese of Gaylord, Michigan are being asked by their new Bishop, Steven Raica, to begin referring to themselves as Peoplewhostrugglewithsamesexattractionlordians. The news came just days after Raica was installed Bishop of the flamboyant Roman Diocese. Raica told parishioners during his first homily as Bishop that, basing his decision on Sacred Scripture, that all Catholics residing... Read More

New Scott Hahn Drinking Game Has Readers Taking Shot After Every Mention Of Word “Covenant”

Steubenville, OH––A new, dangerous drinking game invented by Franciscan University of Steubenville sophomore Ben Johnson, known as Covenant, is sweeping Catholic universities. The game, which involves players reading any book ever published by Scott Hahn, and then taking a shot of whiskey or beer every time the word “covenant” is mentioned, is raising major concerns with university officials. What originally started out as fun for some has now... Read More

Uruguayan Pastor Bites Rival Priest During Mass

New York, NY—Just a day after Uruguay star Luis Suarez allegedly bit Italy defender Giorgio Chiellini at the World Cup, Uruguayan born priest, Father Roldolfo Pontet, is now being investigated for biting a rival priest during a morning Mass in New York. The USCCB said early today that its disciplinary committee has opened proceedings against Pontet. If the Uruguayan priest, already banned twice for biting fellow priests after they attempted to concelebrate,... Read More

Soccer Player Miraculously Rises To Feet Seconds After Writhing In Pain On Ground

Image:Arvedui89 Thousands of soccer fans around the globe were witness to the miraculous recovery of an Spanish soccer player this morning after he was viciously tapped in the thigh by an Iranian defender. It happened in the 23 minute of a game between Spain and Iran earlier today when Spanish striker Diego Costa went down after being ever so gently tapped in the thigh by Iran’s Majid Hosseini. One witness told EOTT moments after the game that, although... Read More

Purr-iest Says Meow Culpa At Wrong Part of Cat Mass

Cat-alina Island, CA–Speaking to his congregation after the 9:00am Cat Mass yesterday, pastor of St. Francis of Assisi Catholic Church in Cat-alina Island, Fr. Bojangles, apologized for having said the Meow Culpa at the wrong part of Mass. “I’ve never done that before,” a baffled Bojangles told those gathered as he licked his paw over and over again before wiping his face clean. “I’m taking this kinda hard right now be-claws I’m a purr-fectionist.” While... Read More

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