Barron Wondering Why Bad Things Happen To Good People
July 21, 2015 by Admin
Filed under Parish Life
Just hours after being named auxiliary bishop to the Archdiocese of Los Angeles by Pope Francis, Fr. Robert Barron has reportedly begun contemplating the problem of suffering and why bad things happen to good people. “I just don’t get it,” a despondent Barron told EOTT as he walked sadly along the shore kicking rocks. “I’m not saying I’m a saint or anything, but I’m not an altogether bad guy. I help the poor and I’m genuinely nice to people.... Read More
Disillusioned Protestant On Verge Of Praying To Mary Instead Turns To “Our Lady of Medjugorje”
June 30, 2015 by Admin
Filed under Parish Life
A delightful new relationship with the Virgin Mary was avoided late last night when, just moments before closing her eyes to pray to Mary for the first time in her life, 33-year-old disheartened Protestant Leann Woods decided to pray to “Our Lady of Medjugorje.” “Ah, no! Leann was right there!” A friend of Woods, Debra McAlister, told EOTT this morning. “I’ve been working on her for so long. So when she asked for some material on Mary, I gave... Read More
TAC Student Put In The Stocks After Admitting She Did Not Enjoy Reading Kristin Lavransdatter
June 9, 2015 by Admin
Filed under Parish Life
Just minutes after admitting that she did not particularly enjoy reading Sigrid Undset’s Kristin Lavranstadder series, Thomas Aquinas College freshman Rebecca Hardy was immediately apprehended by fellow students and put in the stocks, sources are confirming. “Wow, these people really take this book seriously,” Hardy told EOTT as she attempted to avoid the vegetables that were being tossed at her. “I’ve seen bibles with The Imitation of Christ... Read More
Radio Pledge Drive Sadly Best Part of Catholic Station’s Programming
June 4, 2015 by Admin
Filed under Parish Life
Sadly admitting that last quarter’s Catholic radio pledge drive was the best program they had aired in the past few months, local program director Thomas Wolf of My God is and Awesome God Radio told EOTT that he was now considering just running reruns of the drive from here on out. “The drive was clearly better listening than nearly every other program we aired in the last few years,” Wolf told EOTT as he also considered just alternating past pledge... Read More
Parishioner Just Going To Sit On Toilet Until Annual Catholic Appeal Homily Over
May 12, 2015 by Admin
Filed under Parish Life
Deciding that he would go to the restroom and simply sit on the toilet for the next 15 to 20 minutes, local Catholic Jay Anderson confirmed to reporters that he would indeed be back in his pew just as soon as this year’s Annual Catholic Appeal homily was over. “I typically love these homilies,” a smirking Anderson said, adding that nothing in the world was more edifying than listening to the deacon talk about cash for 20 straight minutes. “I guess... Read More