Local Catholic Frustrated That No Woman On Catholic Match Pure Enough, Hot Enough To Consider

Image: Wikicommons Explaining the difficulties of finding a pure, near sinless, smoking hot blond on the dating site Catholic Match, local Catholic Devin Porter told friends late last night that he was considering giving up ever marrying. “It’s sad that we live in a world where a devout and humble guy like me just can’t find the right girl,” said the 35-year-old bachelor, explaining how past relationships have always failed because the women either... Read More

Women May Now Have Their Feet Washed And Pedicured At Holy Thursday Mass, Pope Says

Pope Francis has changed the rules for the Church’s Holy Thursday foot-washing ceremony, issuing a decree allowing women to not only participate in the ceremony, but to have an optional pedicure for the low donation price of just $14.95. That’s right, just $14.95. In a letter addressed to Cardinal Robert Sarah, the Pope said that 12 “lucky” people would be chosen to participate in the ritual of what is now being called the washing and pedicuring... Read More

Devout Catholic Becomes Atheist After Watching Movie “Heaven Is For Real”

Describing the movie Heaven Is For Real as one of the most obnoxious and heavy-handed movies he’d ever seen, local Catholic Dennis Macias told EOTT this morning that he’s decided to become an atheist. The 26-year-old California man, who had been planning on entering the religious life this June, formally withdrew his application to the monastery after having what he called “the most terrifying 99-minute experience” of his life. “The movie had... Read More

Radicalized Catholic Becomes Priest

  Image: AndrewHirmiz San Diego County Sheriff’s Department officials arrested a “middle-aged Caucasian man” after he allegedly attempted to bless a large group of people in public late Sunday evening. Fr. Richard Whitaker of San Diego was arrested on suspicion of attempted blessing, sheriff sergeant Roger Burgess told EOTT, and deputies are now confirming that the 31-year-old man had traveled to Rome years prior to becoming a priest. “A... Read More

Saint Stripped Of Halo After Francis Mistakenly Canonizes Wrong Blessed

Pope Francis took to Twitter to apologize Sunday night after accidentally canonizing the wrong woman. The Pontiff was presiding over a Canonization Mass Sunday morning when he accidentally announced the wrong woman being canonized. It wasn’t until after the new saint, Blessed Maria Romero Meneses, had already put on the halo that the mistake was corrected. “OK flock, uh …” Francis said as he came back to the altar. “I have... Read More

« Previous Page — Next Page »