Third Secret of Fatima Revealed: Catholics To Disbelieve Revelation Of Third Secret Of Fatima

Image: Jose Luiz/WikiCommons Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI has confirmed that the Third Secret of Fatima is that many Catholics would choose to disbelieve the revelation of the Third Secret if it was not apocalyptic or anywhere near terrifying in nature, the Vatican announced yesterday. According to the statement released last night by the Holy See Press Office, articles claiming that the Third Secret of Fatima was not released in its entirety was just proof... Read More

Breaking: Man In Church Still Hasn’t Taken Off Hat

After reporting that an unidentified man entered St. Monica Catholic Church for Mass this morning without taking off his hat, parishioners announced 10 minutes later that the man has yet to remove it. “We’re currently looking into the situation to discover the motive for the irreverence,” said head usher Donny Casey, adding that, though he first believed the man to be a Protestant who was simply unaware of Mass etiquette, that he has been forced... Read More

Students At Indiana University Even More Scared Now Knowing Dominican Praying On Campus

Just a day after students at Indiana University mistook a Dominican for a member of the Ku Klux Klan, students and members of the faculty have been placed on high alert, with fears that the person in question could possibly be a devout Catholic praying on campus. According to reports, Student Body President Allen Cheung wrote a post on Facebook saying, “There has been a person reported walking around campus in a Dominican outfit holding a rosary. Because... Read More

“Well, I’ll Definitely Keep You In My Prayers,” Says Man Who Will Inevitably Forget to Keep You In His Prayers

Not long after describing the various trials were going through to an acquaintance, sources are reporting that his promise to keep you in his prayers are completely worthless. Sources on the scene say that the man in question, Thomas Keating, will not only not pray for you, but really wasn’t even paying that much attention to you as you were speaking to begin with, and therefore, wouldn’t even know what to pray for if he did remember, which of course,... Read More

Man Vomiting In Alley In Honor Of St. Patrick

Image: Wikicommons Calling it a way to show his honor and devotion to St. Patrick, local Catholic John Drexel stumbled outside into the alley behind Hooligans Irish Pub moments after downing three pints of Guinness and two shots of Jameson. “Oh man, this is awful,” Drexel slurred to random passerby’s as they stopped to laugh and take pictures. “It’s all freaking green! Oh, the devotion I have to St. Patrick comes even from the bowels of my…well,... Read More

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