Hipster Priest Consecrates Fresh Batch Of Seasonal Pumpkin Spice Eucharist

Just in time for the start of Fall, local hipster priest Fr. Kale Adams announced this morning that he has consecrated his first batch of Pumpkin Spice Eucharist. Although the seasonal pumpkin flavor of Jesus’ body has been condemned by the Vatican, Fr. Adams has told his parishioners that they’re not sheep, but rather, “free souls that can’t be contained by the man or the Vatican.” “Pumpkin Spice Eucharist allows me to express myself and my... Read More

Benedict Admits To Catfishing Faithful With “Pope Francis” Persona

Social media users are very much used to dealing with phony accounts, and Catholics in the world of Facebook and Twitter are no exception to the rule. Pope Benedict “broke the internet” this week after admitting to using the Twitter handle “ThisCatholicPope” in order to carry on the persona of a 79-year-old pope named “Francis.” “The fact that a pope started a Twitter account just so he could retire and still... Read More

New Book About The Firsthand Accounts Of Medjugorje Visions Just 300 Blank Pages

Medjhead Press today released their much anticipated tell-all book, How do I Live With Myself, You Ask? by visionary Mirjana Soldo about her experience pretending to see things, and then crying about the things she pretended to see for 35 years. “Second only to the Third Secret of Fatima, the secret to how a few poor people from Bosnia and Herzegovina can make a healthy living off kneeling down a few minutes a day in front of pilgrims and pretending... Read More

Hillsong Apparently Some Sort Of Christian Band Or Church Or Something That Many Protestants Dislike For Some Reason

  Reporting that he was absolutely baffled as to who or what a “Hillsong” was, as well as the reason why so many Protestants hated it or him or whatever this Hillsong thing was, local Catholic George Matthews told EOTT this morning that he has, nevertheless, been able to deduce by reading multiple protestant blogs that the person or church or band in question was of the Devil…or God. “I suppose that this Hillsong band or church or whatever... Read More

Priest On Cell Crawling Beneath Pews During Mass Trying To Catch Pokemon Creatures

Local priest Father John Ross is being accused of delaying Mass for up to an hour Sunday morning after pausing during the middle of The Presentation of the Gifts to catch a Pikachu, several parishioners have reported. Ross admitted to the diocesan officials that he was playing the newly released Pokemon Go app while saying the Mass. “Fr. Ross has admitted to simultaneously saying Mass while trying to catch a Kipachu or Pikachu or whatever,” one official... Read More

« Previous Page — Next Page »