Taylor Swift Joins Convent After Several Unsuccessful Relationships
June 6, 2017 by Admin
Filed under Parish Life
Image: Eva Rinaldi After several public failed relationships and an embarrassing 8-months without a boyfriend, award winning singer-songwriter Taylor Swift announced today via Twitter that she was leaving the music industry to become a nun. “With some prayer, and lots of thinking about boys, I’ve decided to become a nun,” she wrote on Twitter. Swift’s agent Rod Steelman confirmed this morning that she has been accepted into the... Read More
New Matt Fradd Anti-Porn Book Just 90-Pages Of Your Mother Staring Disappointedly At You
June 1, 2017 by Admin
Filed under Parish Life
Matt Fradd has announced that his new anti-porn book, titled, “Oh My Goodness, What’re You Watching?” by You Should Be Ashamed Of Yourself Press will be published just in time for Mother’s Day 2018. The 90-page book of your dear, aging mother who raised you to be better than that is rumored to contain no words, for words cannot express the sorrow and disappointment your mother would feel if she knew you looked at such trash, but... Read More
Parishioners Pick Churchy McChurchy Face As Name Of New Parish
May 22, 2017 by Admin
Filed under Parish Life
Image: Andrew Hermiz Parishioners are embracing a bishop’s call, allowing them to choose the name of a new Catholic church in their diocese. With the final round of online voting set to close Friday, Churchy McChurchy Face has more than twice the votes of any other potential name. As of Monday, Churchy McChurchy Face leads the pack of suggestions with nearly 17,000 votes, well ahead of Our Lady of Medjugorje Catholic Church and Trump... Read More
Loser Still Using Last Year’s Rosary Model
May 18, 2017 by Admin
Filed under Parish Life
43-year-old Arnold Corea told friends last night that, though he was shamefully still using last year’s rosary model, he planned to upgrade this fall when the new Rosary Pro 7 was released. “The thing is is that I’m still under contract with my rosary, and though it doesn’t have all the bells and whistles the newer model has, it still does the job,” he said, going on to defend himself saying that his older model still gets him from “A... Read More
Homeschool Mom Convinced Son Has Vocation to Papacy
May 11, 2017 by Admin
Filed under Parish Life
Image:Vitold Muratov Local homeschool mom Candice Sheehy announced to friends early this morning that she believed that her son Thomas may have a calling to the papacy, friends reported last night. the 42-year-old mother of nine told friends that, though she believed all of her children were either being called to the religious life or martyrdom, Thomas stood out in a different way. “All nine of my kids obviously pray the rosary three times... Read More