Maestro Who Conducts Symphony With Back Facing Audience Labelled Radical Traditionalist
After conducting his first symphony since being named Maestro of the New Mexico Philharmonic, Chinese-born Li Wei Chen has been under heavy scrutiny from longtime patrons for conducting Beethoven’s famous 9th Symphony while facing the orchestra. Season subscriber Lance Humphrey told EOTT that he was offended that Chen did not conduct facing the audience like their old maestro. “Look, I understand that the symphony is still the symphony... Read More
Area Catholic Confirms Too Many Obligations To Make It To Mass On Holy Day Of Obligation
August 15, 2013 by Admin
Filed under Mass, Uncategorized
Rancho San Diego, CA––29-year-old Catholic Tony Rigali confirmed to his family earlier today that due to all the “things on his plate,” he would be, unfortunately, having to skip Holy Day of Obligation Mass today in honor of the Feast of the Assumption. “Yeah, it’s just, I’m so swamped Thursdays cause of work and stuff. And this week especially cause I got the fish bowl I gotta clean, as well as my hair…not to mention... Read More
One Million Youth Visit Rio To See Pope On Large Screen
July 27, 2013 by Admin
Filed under Mass, Uncategorized
Rio de Janerio, Brazil––Media sources confirm that nearly one million Catholic young people from nearly every country in the world put aside their lives and traveled to Brazil to catch a glimpse of the Holy Father Pope Francis projected onto one of the large screens set up for the papal Mass culminating the World Youth Day celebrations. “The faithfulness and energy of the youth of the Catholic Church is inspiring,” said one attending priest.... Read More
Homily Never Going To End, Sources Confirm
June 20, 2013 by Admin
Filed under Mass, Uncategorized
Galveston, TX–Multiple sources at Prince of Peace Catholic Church in Galveston, Texas have just confirmed that parish pastor Fr. Robert Warner is “never going to wrap up his freaking homily.” 29-year-old mother of three Katrin Flores told Eye of the Tiber that Warner, whose homily was now running more than 25 minutes long, did not seem to be losing any steam whatsoever. “There was a couple times there where we thought he was about... Read More
There Was Certainly A Point During My Clown Mass When I Thought, “What The Hell Am I Doing?”
Pastor of St. Genesius Catholic Church Fr. Edmond Harrington confirmed this afternoon that at one point during his first ever Clown Mass, he looked down at his oversized checkered shoes as he was praying and thought to himself, “Edmond, what in the world are you doing?” “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel a shred of guilt about it or anything,” Harrington told EOTT as he brushed away a lock of bright red hair... Read More