Dissident Theologian Hans Kung Petitions Pope To Reconsider Dogma Of Christ Resurrection

Image: Wikipedia Commons Famous Swiss theologian Hans Küng has reportedly sent a letter to Pope Francis, asking him to reconsider the Church’s stance on the Resurrection of Christ. Speaking to the media this morning from his office in Germany, Kung told reporters that he hoped that “one of the most open-minded” popes in his lifetime would publically declare that the Resurrection did not take place, urging the Pope to also reconsider the Church’s... Read More

Report: LA Religious Education Congress Nothing But Big Fat Load Of Bull

Despite positive reviews from the committee overseeing this year’s Los Angeles Religious Education Congress, a new report out today by EOTT found that virtually everything about the conference is one gigantic Smaug sized turd. “Literally, the only good thing to come out of the conference is when the vendors start packing up to leave,” one researcher said. “We found that nearly every other good thing that comes out of the conference... Read More

“Yeah, You’re Going To Hell,” SSPX Priest Tells 12-Year-Old Penitent

Local Society of St. Pius X priest Father Marvin McDonald informed 12-year-old parishioner Timmy Seibel that he was, “without a doubt,” going to hell for hitting his sister, sources have confirmed. The news came as Seibel confessed his sin of smacking his sister square in the face for taking one of his toys, Timmy’s mother Angela Seibel told EOTT shortly after her son’s worthless confession. “At first glance, I admit, It does seem a bit excessive... Read More

Middle-Aged White Woman Gyrating Near Altar Just Like They Do In Kenya

Image: auntjojo 52-year-old liturgical dancing sensation Grace Weaver confirmed this morning that she planned on gyrating like all hell during Mass “just like they do it in Kenya.” “I’ve been a lifelong fan of liturgical dancing, but it wasn’t until I visited Africa that I truly fell in love with the art,” Weaver told EOTT as she practiced some of her moves. “You see what I’m doing? I’m hopping from one foot to the next as I clap my hands.... Read More

Local Parents Paying $10,000 A Year In Catholic Tuition To Have Son Learn The Fundamentals Of Other Religions

Facing financial ruin due to the high cost of trying to provide their son with a good Catholic education, sources confirmed Thursday that parents of high school freshman Johnny Irving, Tom and Lisa, are quite impressed with their son’s growing knowledge of every tenet of every religion, but Catholicism. According to the freshman’s parents, Irving has gained an immense amount of knowledge about the Koran, The Analects of Confucius, and the Book of Mormon... Read More

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