Man Angry That Only Women Can Become Female Priests

Florence Hensley and companions minutes after practicing mass Medford, OR––Speaking at a Women’s Rights group at the home of fellow parishioner Florence Hensley of Medford, Oregon this week, 58-year-old Roger Shannahan complained that the group was being sexist for unjustly excluding men from the group’s hopes of a female priesthood. “I mean, you could see in the early Church numbers of male figures that held positions of authority,”... Read More

Scientists Test Effects of Novus Ordo On Longtime Sedevacantist

Dr. William Manders interviewed about Novus Ordo testing on Sedevacantist. Los Angeles, CA–Attempting to explain the physical and emotional toll that an average Sedevacantist would endure during a Novus Ordo, students at UCLA have recently begun tests on 54-year-old Sedevacantist John Weiss of Glendale, California. “Thus far the results have been quite fascinating,” Head of the Department of Sciences at UCLA Dr. William Manders told... Read More

Area Baptist Church Runs Out Of Welch’s 100% Grape Juice For Communion

San Diego, CA–Pastor Kyle Sandera of Newlife Baptist Church in San Diego, California says that an unanticipated large crowd at Sunday service this past weekend depleted their Welch’s 100% Grape Juice reserve before everyone was able to partake in the breaking of bread. “We honestly just didn’t expect that that many people would show,” Sandera told Eye of the Tiber. “30 people! It’s our first year as a church,... Read More

Liberal Catholic University To Replace Church With Massive Cafeteria

Miami, FL––To help accommodate the diverse palates of Mater Dei University’s large Catholic student-body, President Jon Heinz has announced plans to build the largest cafeteria in the U.S. The cafeteria, which is tentatively scheduled to be built in the summer of 2014, would eventually replace the university’s main church at the center of campus. The plan was announced in a letter to donors Friday requesting extra funds to help pay... Read More

USCCB To Publish Compendium Of The Compendium Of The Catechism For College Students

Washington, DC––It was announced today that the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops will be coming out with their highly anticipated Compendium of the Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church for College Students this May. The abridged version of the compendium will attempt to lessen the page count from 200 pages to a more manageable 20 pages. Other highlights of the Compendium of the Compendium will include colored pictures... Read More

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