Local Rad Trad Gives Wife Permission To Receive Communion

  Admitting that his wife had done a “fairly good job” being subservient to him this week, local SSPV man Randall Thomas acknowledged Wednesday that he was satisfied just enough with his wife to allow her to receive communion this Sunday. “When Margaret Elizabeth and I first got married, she was really on her game,” Thomas said, watching his wife sweep the kitchen. “We had some great times while she cooked and cleaned and did nothing else... Read More

Vacationing Catholic Family Excited To See What Liturgical Abuses Practiced In Visiting Parish

  Returning to his hometown with his family for the first time in over five years, Catholic family man Alex Trumble voiced his desire Saturday afternoon to trying out a new parish where he and his family could “get a taste of the local liturgical abuses practiced this side of the country.” “We’ve been to Folk Masses and Clown Masses back home, but I hear they have an interesting Buddhist themed Mass over here,” Trumble said of the rumors... Read More

Outraged Critics of Pope Francis Demand He Answer “Laurel/Yanny” Dubia

  Pope Francis’ exhortation on the Laurel/Yanny debate, in which he appears to open the possibility of communion for people no matter whether they hear the word “Laurel” or “Yanny” has outraged many of his critics. Four cardinals have now issued an open letter to Pope Francis calling for him to respond to their dubia over his decision, which they say goes against what they hear in the audio recording. The audio clip, which was posted on... Read More

Rad Trad Woman Just Wants A Good Man Who’s Willing To Wait Till Marriage Before Flagellating

Local SSPV woman Deanna Russell confessed to friends late last night that all she wanted in life was a good and holy man who was willing to wait till marriage before flagellating his body. “I don’t know, call me old fashion, but I don’t wanna flagellate my body with just anyone,” she told friends as she sighed, longingly, at the thought of the day when she would share that sacred moment with her husband as both he and she scourged their bodies... Read More

Disgruntled Parishioner Vows To Halt Weekly $1 Donation Until Church Accepts Female Priests

  Disgruntled Parishioner of St. Agatha Catholic Church James Fitzgerald reported yesterday that he would hence for no longer financial assist the church with his customary weekly one dollar contribution until the Church begins to allow women to become priests. 63-year-old Fitzgerald, who considers himself a “feminist at heart,” told St. Agatha pastor Fr. Timothy Reynolds that he could no longer stand by and watch an outdated institution continue... Read More

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