Area Jesuit Excited About New “Clerics” From Tommy Bahama

Seattle, WA––The Seattle-based manufacturer of casual men’s sportswear Tommy Bahama is set to release its highly-anticipated new line of clothing for Jesuits this week. The clothing company, whose men’s sportswear lines already include Tommy Bahama Collection, Tommy Bahama Relax, and Tommy Bahama Denim will begin selling Tommy Bahama Jesuit starting this Saturday. Company Spokesman Richard Snyder told the press Wednesday that there... Read More

Christendom College Student Won’t Shut Up With The Latin Already

“Colligium Christendum in Virginium est. Christendum bonum scholasticum est.”-Ben Tate Friends of Christendom College freshman Ben Tate reported this week that he “hasn’t shut up with the whole Latin thing” since returning for spring break. The 19-year-old undergrad had just recently returned from Front Royal, Virginia for break when friends began to notice there was something different and “obnoxious” about him. “Well,... Read More

Protestant Friend Knows All He Needs To Know About Catholic Church

Orange County, CA–Area Protestant Ezekial Atkinson reported earlier this morning that he didn’t need a lecture on Church teaching because he “already knows everything he needs to know about the Catholic Church.” The stunning revelation came just moments after longtime Catholic friend Gerald Prescott asked Atkinson whether he ever considered that he [Atkinson] might not actually hate the Church as much as he thinks,... Read More

Nuns On Bus Scour Ohio In Search Of Misplaced Veils

OHIO––A group of Catholic nuns began a 1,000 mile bus tour through Ohio this week asking locals whether or not they have seen their veils. The group of about 20 nuns departed Cincinnati early Wednesday morning after every single one of them realized that they had not seen their veils in over four decades. The youngest of the group, Sister Mary Fleischer, 79, told Eye of the Tiber that losing things had become all too familiar for the group lately,... Read More

New Study: Sedevacantists Feeling Our Pain…A Lot

Oyster Bay Cove, NY–A new study out today by the Society of St. Pius V reveals that 85% of its members are currently feeling the pain of non-sedevacantist Catholics. The study, done at the Church of Saint Luke in Oyster Bay Cove, New York, asked 200 parishioners to rate how much of non-sedevacantist Catholics’ pain they felt in regards to the current Sede Vacante at the Vatican. “We asked them to rate their feelings on a scale... Read More

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