Newly Revealed Catacomb Painting Undeniable Proof That Women Were Able To Raise Hands In Air In Early Church

VATICAN–Newly restored frescoes from the Catacombs of Priscilla were unveiled by the Vatican on Tuesday, some of which reveal that women in early Christianity were able to lift their hands in the air. This has led some to conclude that if a woman was able to lift her hands above her shoulders as the image suggests, then early Christians must have allowed women to become priests. The Catacombs, which are located in the northern part of Rome, and are... Read More

Report: All That Really Matters Is Having A Good Heart

Portland, OR–A new study released today by millions of Catholics and non-Catholics from across the globe shows that having a good heart is more pleasing to God than following the teachings of the Church. “I’m so happy to say that after close to 2,000 years of dogmatism, we have successfully proven that the way into God’s heart, and ultimately into Heaven, is not by going to church or confessions, but by being nice,” said Hugh Benson, the... Read More

Notre Dame Celebrates “Coming Out As Episcopalian Day”

  The University of Notre Dame is holding it’s first-ever “Coming Out as Episcopalian Day” to coincide with “National Coming Out Day,” school officials have announced. “Admitting to the world and loved ones that we do not have inclinations toward the Catholic lifestyle, and that, on the contrary, we are proud Episcopalians, is a big step in taking hold of our identity…without fear,” Secretary to the President of the University Ronald... Read More

Dumbstruck Congregation Listens In Awe As “Judgmental” Pastor Delivers Sound Homily

Encinitas, CA–Listening in shock and horror as a visiting priest delivered what many believed to be a judgmental homily earlier this morning, many parishioners at Sacred Heard Catholic Church in Encinitas, California, were traumatized after listening to what some called “the most sound homily they had ever heard.” “It was disgusting,” one parishioner, Debbie Locke, told EOTT. “This is a Church for goodness sakes.”... Read More

Pope Michael Comes To Aid Of Deposed Nigerian Prince; Transfers “Sum of USD 5 Millions”

Belvue, KS––Speaking from his porcelain throne yesterday, Pope Michael announced to those gathered in the papal living room that, as sign of unity between the Church and the great people of Nigeria, he would be transferring the “sum of USD 5 millions” to an anonymous deposed Nigerian Prince. Citing an email he received just days prior, Pope Michael told those gathered that his heart went out to the Nigerian prince, and to all the... Read More

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