Breaking: Man In Church Still Hasn’t Taken Off Hat

After reporting that an unidentified man entered St. Monica Catholic Church for Mass this morning without taking off his hat, parishioners announced 10 minutes later that the man has yet to remove it. “We’re currently looking into the situation to discover the motive for the irreverence,” said head usher Donny Casey, adding that, though he first believed the man to be a Protestant who was simply unaware of Mass etiquette, that he has been forced... Read More

“Well, That Was A Complete Bust,” Francis Tells Crowd Moments Before Cancelling Remainder Of Year Of Mercy

Image: Wikicommons During his general audience this week in Saint Peter’s Square, Pope Francis announced the cancellation of the remainder of the Holy Year of Mercy, saying that the whole idea was a “complete and utter bust.” “Let us not forget that God forgives and God forgives always,” Francis said. “But let us never forget that man does not forgive and will never forgive. That is one thing I have learned these past few months.” Francis... Read More

Members Of Roman Curia Flood Michael Voris With Invitations To Visit Vatican

Image: WikiCommons Just days after Catholic internet personality Michael Voris revealed that he had been actively involved in homosexuality before his reversion to the faith, sources tell EOTT that the founder of The Vortex has been inundated with emails by members of the Roman Curia inviting him to visit the Vatican. “We thought it might do him some good to just get away for a while,” one official said. “Sometimes you just gotta get away, you know?... Read More

Updated SSPX Catechesis Program To Now Include Fundamentals Of Catholic Trolling

Image: WikiCommons SSPX leadership is preparing to launch a new Catechism program in an effort to help better explain Church teaching and how to best completely obliterate lesser Catholics on social media. “Trolling is important for the Church because with knowledge comes responsibility,” said bishop Donald Vensand, head of the SSPX Council for the Degradation of Inferior Catholics. “With that responsibility comes a duty toward fellow Catholics. Our... Read More

Report: Priest Doing That Stupid Thing Where He Walks Up And Down Aisle During Homily

Image: ChipSomodevilla/Getty Images Europe   Being asked about how their weekends were going, parishioners at St. Luke Parish announced Sunday that Fr. Todd Bunnell was, yet again, leaving the podium and making his way down to the aisle to preach the homily. According to reports, Bunnell was, for the fourth straight Sunday in a row, “doing that Protestant thing where he walks up and down the aisle, trying to get people excited and more engaged... Read More

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