As 2000th Anniversary of Pentecost Approaches, God Still Refuses to Clarify Ambiguous Passages of Scripture

Advocates of family values and traditional marriage spoke out today, demanding again that Jesus Christ clarify his words, “If any one comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. (Lk 14:26). “This wildly ambiguous remark can easily be taken as an attack on the institution of the family itself. We are gravely concerned that Jesus... Read More

San Diego Bishop McElroy To Relocate To Los Angeles

San Diego bishop Robert McElroy announced today that he would be relocating to Los Angeles, ending a two-year stint with San Diego. McElroy has notified Pope Francis and other bishops of his intent to move to Los Angeles by the 2017 Lenten season, sources said. “At first I hoped it was fake news,” San Diego Hall of Fame bishop Robert Brom said of the move. “It’s something that is unfathomable, but it is reality.” “This... Read More

Incense Vaping: The Latest Danger At Roman Seminaries

A recent uptick in admissions to Roman hospitals has Swiss Guards concerned after seminarians in various colleges in and around the Vatican have turned to vaping powerful blends of incense. The problem reached a crescendo on Epiphany Eve when thirteen seminarians from the North American College overdosed while vaping contraband incense at a Three Kings Party. The incense found by authorities during a raid at the party is a powerful and pure blend that... Read More

Coexist Bumper Sticker Ushers In Era Of World Peace

Thanks to a Coexist bumper sticker spotted on the rear bumper of a local Toyota Prius today, the Organization for World Peace (OWP) has announced that every armed conflict in the world has officially come to an end. The sticker, located on the rear bumper of local “citizen of the world” Debbie Rowland, was posted on social media with the inscription “Peace Mongering,” where it soon went viral. “The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan... Read More

Meryl Streep Takes Aim At Dubia During Golden Globes Speech

Image: neon-tommy Just moments after being honored at the Golden Globes for her lifetime of work, actress Meryl Streep took the opportunity to make a sustained attack on Cardinal Burke’s dubia. In her four-minute address while accepting the award, the actress denounced Burke’s traditionalist rhetoric and criticized him for trying to bully the Pope. “There was one performance this year that stunned me,” Streep said. “It sank its hooks in... Read More

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