Major Seismic Activity Recorded After Cantor’s Overuse Of Vibrato  

Several small earthquakes have been recorded over the past day in Southern California after St. Agatha Catholic Church cantor Beverly Hope overused her vibrato during Mass. The most recent was earlier this morning in La Mesa, California, but experts say that earthquakes occur nearly every Sunday across the country, especially during the Recessional. Director of Earthquake Studies at Holy Trinity Catholic Church in Glendale, California Tom Stewart has... Read More

Pope Francis Signals Possible Openness To Just About Anything At This Point

Pope Francis has said that he is open to the possibility of permitting basically anything to address the serious issues facing the Church, unless that thing is not in line with what he thinks. During an interview with the German newspaper Die Zeit, Pope Francis said that traditions and things that date back to times before his election to the papacy would not stand in his way. “We need to think about whether it could be a possibility to begin allowing... Read More

Ushers Boldly Enter Church For Unprecedented Fourth Collection

In what many are calling a supernatural display of audacity, ushers at St. Perpetua Catholic Church have made their way back into the church for a record breaking fourth collection. “Everyone has been through two collections,” St. Perpetua parishioner Dorothy Arlen told EOTT after Mass. “A few of us can even remember the now legendary 2014 Second Sunday of Lent Collection Caper when a third collection was taken up for retired priests or something.... Read More

Passive-Aggressive Priest Suggests Screaming Toddler Finish Homily For Him

Local pastor Fr. Ron Porter was forced to stop midway through his homily Sunday morning to passive-aggressively attempt to quiet an unruly toddler. Porter reportedly stopped several times during the course of his homily before finally telling his parishioners that perhaps “the little one in the back” wanted to go right ahead and finish his homily for him. “It’s not like I didn’t spend a lot of time on it or anything,” Porter said before chuckling... Read More

Vatican Considering Possibility Of Allowing Priests To Confess Their Sins In The Mirror

Image: Ricardo André Frantz Pope Francis has established a commission to study whether priests should be allowed to confess their sins to themselves if they’re in front of a mirror or a tinted window, Vatican officials said Thursday. Although priests can forgive sins, they have never had the authority to forgive their own. The possible change was signaled by Pope Francis during a meeting with the International Union Of Priests when a priest asked,... Read More

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