Man Left With No Option But To Attend Spanish Mass
April 20, 2017 by Admin
Filed under Parish Life
After spending nearly an hour online trying to find a Mass to attend after his flight lands Sunday evening, Timothy Brown of La Jolla, California came to terms this morning with the unhappy realization that he had no other option but to attend the Spanish Mass. “I mean, listen, I know Mass is Mass no matter the language, but I’d just prefer English,” Brown told EOTT. “Don’t get me wrong, I love Mexicans…they’re great and they have a beautiful... Read More
Catholic Woman Who Moved In With Boyfriend 8 Years Ago Confident He’ll Be Proposing Any Day Now
April 19, 2017 by Admin
Filed under Parish Life
Local Catholic Becky Donaldson confirmed this week that she is absolutely confident that her live-in boyfriend of eight years, Kevin Reynolds, will soon be proposing. “I’m just so excited,” a teary-eyed Donaldson told some of her girlfriends gathered at a local restaurant last night. “We’ve been waiting until we’re in a financially comfortable situation. I mean, we were financially comfortable a few years ago, and then he bought... Read More
Altar Boy with Napkin May Have Missed Germ Or Two During Veneration
April 17, 2017 by Admin
Filed under Parish Life
An altar boy is under investigation this week after several sources at St. John the Baptist Catholic Church reported witnessing a “mark” that looked “a lot like lipstick” left on the crucifix that was being used for veneration during Good Friday services. According to an altar boy who was assisting the young man, pressure was unlike anything he’s witnessed in his tenure as Second in Command Candle Bearer. “It was a deluge of saliva-coated... Read More
Ushers Forcibly Remove Communicant After Overbooked Palm Sunday Mass Runs Out Of Communion Hosts
April 11, 2017 by Admin
Filed under Parish Life
Image:Felix Burton A video posted late Sunday evening shows a parishioner in a Palm Sunday Mass at St. Isidore Catholic Parish being forcibly removed from church just before communion. The video taken from an aisle seat a few pews behind the man being removed shows other parishioners reciting the Agnus Dei. The 33-second clip goes on to show three ushers wearing radio equipment speaking with a man seated in his pew. After a few moments, one of the... Read More
Trump Announces He Has Possession Of Fourth Secret Of Fatima; Claims The Other Secrets Were Fake News
Fátima_José Luiz Bernardes Ribeiro White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer announced today that the Trump administration has obtained the Fourth Secret of Fatima, which reportedly details the fake news contained in all of the other secrets of Fatima. “According to President Trump, at around noon today, the Virgin Mary entrusted him with the secret,” Spicer told EOTT. “The President wrote the secret down and sealed it in the envelope I am... Read More