Head Of Vatican Secret Archives Enjoys Muttering Cryptic Half-Sentences Just To Mess With People’s Heads
Head of Vatican Secret Archives Monsignor Luigi Alfresco admitted to close friends today that he often passes the time during private archive tours muttering cryptic things to himself to mess with people’s heads. “I’ve been giving these private tours for new cardinals for 43 years,” Alfresco told EOTT. “I can do them in my sleep, so now, just to keep myself from falling asleep during a tour, I’ll begin muttering... Read More
Mitch Pacwa Expelled From Society Of Jesus After Being Caught With Catechism
May 1, 2017 by Admin
Filed under Libs & Trads
Popular television personality and speaker Fr. Mitch Pacwa has been expelled from the Society of Jesus after being caught in possession of a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church earlier this week, Jesuit officials are reporting. According to Jesuit Superior General Arturo Sosa, Pacwa was seen in possession of the Catechism while travelling with fellow Jesuits. Fr. Gerard Nunez immediately reported the “disturbing incident”... Read More
Vatican Invites Hugh Hefner To Join Commission To Study Priestly Celibacy
Ricardo André Frantz Just days after the U.N. Elected Saudi Arabia to its Women’s Rights Commission, the Vatican announced this week that Pope Francis has elected Hugh Hefner to its Commission to Study Priestly Celibacy. “Electing Hugh Hefner to study whether or not members of the clergy should be able to get married is outrageous,” said Dunkan Weber, executive director of Vatican Watch. “It’s insane and morally reprehensible.” But others... Read More
Swiss Guard Wondering Where The Hell All The Action Is
Image:gnuckx New member of the Swiss Guard Leon Habsburg has reportedly made a formal complaint to Commander of the Pontifical Swiss Guard Christoph Graf this morning requesting more action. “I grew up playing Call of Duty,” Habsburg told EOTT near the entrance to the Sistine Chapel. “I got so good at it that I found that I had the expertise, the poise and confidence to pray my rosary for the Pope while risking my many lives in Modern Warfare.” That’s... Read More
Attention Whore Kneels To Receive Communion
April 21, 2017 by Admin
Filed under Parish Life
Image: Paterm Parishioners in southwest Indiana confirmed today that new parishioner Adriana Lambert is nothing more than a holier-than-thou, attention seeking parasite after she was seen kneeling to receive communion. According to several eyewitnesses, 32-year-old Lambert, who was also seen wearing a mantilla “like some wanna be nun who didn’t have the guts to commit to the religious life” walked up to Fr. Kevin O’Donnell... Read More