Aging Priest Calls Weed ‘Devil’s Lettuce’

Pleading to those at Mass this morning to stay away from drugs, local elderly priest Fr. Herb Marinelli called weed “devil’s lettuce” in a last ditch effort to scare them from the drug.

“We call it devil’s lettuce for a reason!” Marinelli yelled from the podium, gingerly pounding his fist on the pulpit. “Instead of manna from heaven that the Lord offers, the devil offers us weed—and weed, in any of its deceptive forms is evil, whether it be in brownies or whether it is a marijuana cigarette.”

“Parents of college, high school, or middle school students beware,” Marinelli continued. “Whether they call it dope, grass, wacky tobacco, reefer, spinach, joint, jive, or sticky icky icky, it’s all comes from the same place—Satan’s plantation, farmed and locally grown.”