Weird Sedevacantist Group Apparently Still Waiting for Messiah

Telling those gathered at the annual Confederation of Ultra Traditionalists that they would not recognize the authority of the pope until he acknowledged that the Messiah has not yet arrived, members of SSPBC this afternoon announced new guidelines to help Catholics understand what it means to be in “full communion with the Church.”

“We hope that these guidelines help illustrate that to be in full communion with the Church means to accept that the Messiah has not yet appeared on earth, but that he will because God promised us one,” speaker Bill Corson read from the stage, going on to say that SSPBC would not stop criticizing the “so-called Church” until they changed their Mass back to what it looked like pre-Vatican. “We believe that the See of the Messiah is indeed empty.”

“Our way of life as a church was changed just because some 33ad liberal fanatics thought that they needed to keep up with the ancient times. It’s just sad, because we do want unity with the Vatican, but we’re not going to give in to this modernist idea of Jesus as a savior just because he healed a bunch of people and rose from the dead. David Blaine has also done some pretty amazing things, but you don’t see us worshiping him, do you? No—we need to stand our ground and not stray from tradition no matter the cost.”