Bombing Of St. Augustine High School Traced To Manicheans

Nashville, TN–Police officials reported that their investigation following last week’s tragic bombing of St. Augustine Academy for Boys has led them to three possible suspects, members of an underground Manichean ring of terrorists in the Nashville area. “After the bombing, in which 6 boys and 1 Augustinian priest were injured,” said the Commissioner, “there was a flood of speculation about who would have the heart to commit such an awful act, and who would be holding a grudge this ugly against the Augustinians.” After doing their research, which included browsing through the “Augustinians” page on the old Catholic Encyclopedia found on Newadvent.org, the team of investigators began to consider the possibility that this was more than a random act of violence, but could indeed be the result of a centuries-old feud. “St. Augustine converted from the Manichean religion, and attacked many of its teachings in his subsequent writings,” continued the Commissioner. “It is not impossible that this bombing was an act of revenge.” At press time, Manichean groups were protesting at the courthouse, carrying signs reading, “We are a religion of peace.”